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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.8

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 8
In recent years, giving money to poorer countries has been a topic of heated debate. Although giving money to poorer countries is thought by some to be able to improve their welfare, other people argue that countries in poverty need help developed countries to give different aids for growing themselves. In my opinion, financial aid is needed to coincide with technological and agricultural aid for solving poverty in these countries. On the one hand, financial aid is not able to solve poorer countries’ problems since many poor countries have not capability of financial management, which means to waste of money and temporary welfare. For example, IMF world bank gave credit to a wide range of poor countries, but they tried to make a profit through investing on concrete. Therefore, these poor countries could not make a profit without producing something and their debts also enhanced at the end of the period which is pay back their credit. Furthermore, money is necessary for farming and livestock animals, however, unless poor states have machine for these purposes, they could not grow their domestic issue with only money. As a result, before developed countries must teach initially some knowledge and they should give what they give. On the other hand, when financial aid is given to weaker states for improving population’s welfare, they can invest what they need most since they know best to their deficiency. For instance, after helping financial aid, a state in poverty can establish a factory which their people could work on there and make money. In this way, these people buy what they need from tradespeople who work on agriculture and they are able to produce new goods. Consequently, diversity increase in all sector across the country. To sum up, rich countries should give financial aid for helping to solve poverty under some conditions such as knowledge of management, having talented workers and providing sufficient efficiency.
In recent years, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has been a topic of heated debate. Although giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
to be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their welfare, other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
for growing themselves. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is needed
to coincide with technological and agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
for solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in these countries.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is not able to solve poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
problems since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have not capability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
management, which means to waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and temporary welfare.
For example
, IMF
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world bank
gave credit to a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit through investing on concrete.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a profit without producing something and their debts
also
enhanced at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period which is pay back their credit.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is necessary for farming and livestock animals,
however
, unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
states have machine for these purposes, they could not grow their domestic issue with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
teach
initially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
knowledge and
they should give what they give.

On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to weaker states for improving population’s welfare, they can invest what they need most since they know best to their deficiency.
For instance
, after helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
, a state in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
can establish a factory which their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could work on there and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In this way, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what they need from tradespeople who work on
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
agriculture and
they are able to produce new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Consequently
, diversity increase in all sector across the country.

To sum up, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
for helping to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
conditions such as knowledge of management, having talented workers and providing sufficient efficiency.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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