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25. Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extend do you agree or disagree? v.2

Even though technology is developing at a fast pace and the standard of living of most individuals has gone up, billions of people still live in poverty, and in many places, the rich countries give financial aid to developing and under-developed countries. Some people consider it good. However, I beg to differ. I believe that the developed countries should give some other types of help to the poor countries and not direct financial aid. My first argument against financial aid is that this aid may not actually reach those for whom it is meant. It may go into corrupt pockets. Secondly, it would make those people lazy as they would be getting aid without doing any work. Thirdly, the aid may be used for wrong purposes. For example, the aid may be given for development projects but it may be used to promote terrorism. Finally, if aid is given without proper research, then it may be used for projects which are not the priority of the people. For instance, the people may need health and educational institutes, whereas the aid may be used for making dams or expanding roadways. The best way to help poor countries would be open good educational institutes, good health centres and creating job opportunities for people of the poor countries. It has been wisely said by someone that – Give a man fish to eat, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. If people of the poor countries start earning well their standard would definitely become better and the whole country would become richer.
Even though
technology is developing at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
pace and the standard of living of most

individuals has gone up, billions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in poverty, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
places, the

rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
give financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to developing and under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some


This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
However
, I beg to differ. I believe that the developed

countries should give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and not direct

financial aid.

My
first
argument against financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
may not actually reach those for

whom it
is meant
. It may go into corrupt pockets.
Secondly
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
those

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
lazy as they would be getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
without doing any work.
Thirdly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
may

be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
purposes.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for development

projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to promote terrorism.
Finally
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
without proper

research, then it may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for projects which are not the priority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. For

instance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may need health and educational institutes, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
may

be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for making dams or expanding roadways.

The best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be open
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
educational institutes,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good


health
Possible spelling mistake. ‘centres’ is British English.
centres
and creating job opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. It has

been
wisely
said by someone that
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
Give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
fish to eat, and you feed him for a day.

Teach a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
how to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the poor

countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning well their standard would definitely become better and the

whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would become richer.
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IELTS essay Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve the poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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