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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poorer countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.24

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poorer countries rather than financial aid. v. 24
Wealthy countries always provide financial support to undeveloped countries, which is insufficient to alleviate penury. So, well of nations should focus on issuing additional help to the needy countries along with the monetary assistance. In my opinion, I agree to the aforementioned fact that, adequate services should be introduced for educating and training the people of these poverty-stricken nations. Firstly, supporting through money can solve the need temporary, whereas mitigating the issue permanently requires long term planning. Particularly, if the people become self-reliant by having the conventional education and training, they will be able to add value to the economy. Hence, the attention should be given to facilitating standard schools and colleges, so that the literacy rate of the future generations yields high in coming times. Similarly, ample amount of skill development practices should be launched for making the existing workforce capable enough to earn their own bread. For instance, Bangladesh is initiating training facilities on using modern technology in agriculture for the underprivileged individuals. Secondly, affluent countries like USA, UK, Canada should come forward to set up their businesses in these less developed countries. Therefore, increased amount investment will allow the residents to have employment facilities within their country. For example, Japan has started their business in Bangladesh recently under the name of JTI which is very commendable. On the other hand, the process of sending economic assistance should not be stopped, as aforementioned steps would require some time to give the best result. A good blend of all these factors would ensure a better outcome in the future. In conclusion, merely providing economic aid to poor countries would diminish the severity of the matter for a short time. This is why, concentration should be given to training the workforce, along with encouraging new investments from the rich countries to have the desired result in the long run.
Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
always provide financial support to undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, which is insufficient to alleviate penury.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, well of nations should focus on issuing additional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to the needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
along with the monetary assistance. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the aforementioned fact that, adequate services should
be introduced
for educating and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of these poverty-stricken nations.

Firstly
, supporting through money can solve the need temporary, whereas mitigating the issue
permanently
requires long term planning.
Particularly
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become self-reliant by having the conventional education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, they will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
value to the economy.
Hence
, the attention should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to facilitating standard schools and colleges,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the literacy rate of the future generations yields high in coming times.
Similarly
, ample amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development practices should
be launched
for making the existing workforce capable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to earn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bread.
For instance
, Bangladesh is initiating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
facilities on using modern technology in agriculture for the underprivileged individuals.

Secondly
, affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
A determiner is probably missing here: "like the USA".
like USA
, UK, Canada should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
forward to set up their businesses in these less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, increased amount investment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the residents to have employment facilities within their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Japan has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
their business in Bangladesh recently under the name of
Possible spelling mistake found.
JTI
which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
commendable.
On the other hand
, the process of sending economic assistance should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
, as aforementioned steps would require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to give the best result. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
blend of all these factors would ensure a better outcome in the future.

In conclusion
,
merely
providing economic aid to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would diminish the severity of the matter for a short time. This is why, concentration should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
the workforce, along with encouraging new investments from the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to have the desired result in the long run.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
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IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poorer countries rather than financial aid. v. 24

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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