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Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v.6

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 6
Currently, the criminal problem is the top concern for families as well as the society. While some people believe that longer prison sentences is the best method to address this problem as it creates a sense of fear in the potential offenders, others think that there are more effective ways. From my point of view, it depends on what kind of crime is to decide to punish. To begin with, there are benefits of giving offenders longer prison punishment. Firstly, the criminals who committed crimes such as sexual assault, murder and drug trafficking should be put into jail for a long period. It helps innocent people and teenagers live in a safe world. Furthermore, the longer offenders stay in a prison, the higher chances of them to re-educate their characters. For example, Le Van Luyen, killing seven people in a family when he was 18 years old, was remanded in custody for 20 years because of his wrong-doing. This illustration deters a lawbreaker from doing the same thing as him. On the other hand, I support the view that there are more effective and realistic approaches to reduce crimes. The government must focus on education and creation of jobs. Education must be either free or affordable as this is the opportunity to gain better qualifications to acquire good jobs. Moreover, it is the responsibility of government to invest in creating jobs and providing their access. Therefore, if people are well-educated, they will land a well-paid job and will not resort to any criminal acts. In conclusion, I strongly believe that there are many ways to decrease the crime rates depending on the different elements that I mentioned above.
Currently
, the criminal problem is the top concern for families
as well
as the society. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that longer prison sentences is the best method to address this problem as it creates a sense of fear in the potential offenders, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that there are more effective ways. From my point of view, it depends on what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is to decide to punish.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are benefits of giving offenders longer prison punishment.
Firstly
, the criminals who committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as sexual assault, murder and drug trafficking should
be put
into jail for a long period. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
innocent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a safe world.
Furthermore
, the longer offenders stay in a prison, the higher chances of them to re-educate their characters.
For example
, Le Van
Possible spelling mistake found.
Luyen
, killing seven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a family when he was 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
was remanded
in custody for 20 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
-doing. This illustration deters a lawbreaker from doing the same thing as him.

On the other hand
, I support the view that there are more effective and realistic approaches to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on education and creation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be either free or affordable as this is the opportunity to gain better qualifications to acquire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Moreover
, it is the responsibility of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to invest in creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and providing their access.
Therefore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are well-educated, they will land a well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and will not resort to any criminal acts.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates depending on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
elements that I mentioned above.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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