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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.15

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 15
In recent years, there are two different opinions, one of which is that developed nation should provide developing countries with amounts of financial support, the other of which is that there are several factors of having the importance which can improve the low levels of countries, even with the exception of the grant. I personally am in favour of the latter. On the one hand, it is partly true that the third-world countries should receive adequate financial assistance from the advanced countries. Firstly, weaker countries commonly do not have sufficient revenue, so they have difficulties in resolving their starvation, and also in handling the social issues, such as ailments from others nation. For example, nowadays, corona virus is becoming widespread all over the world, but some countries, including, Vietnam, Thailand and Mongolia have only way to protect this epidemic, which restricts to people crossing the frontier. That is to say, they cannot deter a cosmopolitan ailment from entering from others countries. However, if rich countries should offer a lot of money to invent the medicine kit which can able to recognize whether he or she was infected or not, to the poor countries, it would be significantly helpful for them. Nevertheless, I am firmly of the opinion that supplying not only education courses, but also opportunities to recruit instead of serving a plenty of finance to underdeveloped countries would be better for people living in poor countries. In the first place, in the long run, it is meaningful that the rich countries should offer a high quality of discipline to teenagers or students who reside in developing countries by using a lot of grants and subsidies. So, they can get proper knowledge of diverse courses as same as rich countries' children. Furthermore, when they are growing up, and the time reached when they have to be hired, they can encourage their mother land to improving economic growth. Another point worth mentioning is that developed countries should serve useful and skillful techniques to the people living in the underdeveloped countries in the sense that they can arbitrarily construct and invent on their own in the future. In conclusion, it is still disputable what are the critical elements to supply for poor nations among rich nations. But I am firmly convinced that providing more practical tactics will lead poor countries' people awakened.
In recent years, there are two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions, one of which is that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
should provide developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with amounts of financial support, the other of which is that there are several factors of having the importance which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the low levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, even
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
the grant. I
personally
am in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of the latter.

On the one hand, it is partly true that the third-world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should receive adequate financial assistance from the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Firstly
, weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
commonly
do not have sufficient revenue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have difficulties in resolving their starvation, and
also
in handling the social issues, such as ailments from others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
.
For example
, nowadays,
The term "coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
corona virus
is becoming widespread all over the world,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, including, Vietnam, Thailand and Mongolia have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to protect this epidemic, which restricts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
crossing the frontier.
That is
to say, they cannot deter a cosmopolitan ailment from entering from others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to invent the medicine kit which
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
recognize whether he or she
was infected
or not, to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, it would be
significantly
helpful for them.

Nevertheless
, I am
firmly
of the opinion that supplying not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
education courses,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
opportunities to recruit
instead
of serving a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of finance to underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In the
first
place, in the long run, it is meaningful that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should offer a high quality of discipline to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
or students who
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
reside


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
grants and subsidies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
proper knowledge of diverse courses as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
countries' children.
Furthermore
, when they are growing up, and the time reached when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be hired
, they can encourage their mother land to improving economic growth. Another point worth mentioning is that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should serve useful and skillful techniques to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the sense that they can
arbitrarily
construct and invent on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
in the future.

In conclusion
, it is
still
disputable what are the critical elements to supply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I am
firmly
convinced that providing more practical tactics will lead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
awakened.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 15

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
390 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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