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Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples v.2

Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. 2
There is no doubt that parents play a crucial role in the all round development of their children. A few people tend to encourage the concept of parents going through a mandatory formal training on parenting. I completely disagree with that viewpoint. In this essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples. I think every parent tend to develop their own unique way when comes to raising their children. This exclusivity/ uniqueness in parenting make it an art that cannot be completely taught through formal education. For instance, values that are taught during childhood are unique to a particular family or society; there is no way to generalize values. For example, my parents always considered non-vegetarian meal as forbidden for human consumption and always encouraged me to a vegetarian. This may not be the case with every parent or every family. Though formal education may teach you values, they may not always be tailor-made to suite your interest’s. Furthermore, I believe that the best way to learn to raise children is through experience; this experience can be just by observing people in your inner circle like close friends or relatives or it can just be learning through your own experience on how you have been raised. For example, my parents always encouraged me to be adamant and outspoken, as they believed that these traits will make be bold and mentally strong. These traits are seldom taught through education they are lessons people learn through experience. To sum up, I think parenting is best taught through experiential learning rather than through formal education. I am of a strong opinion that parenting is unique to a particular culture, family and living conditions and all these are not taught through formally taught. Therefore, parenting cannot be effectively taught through formal education.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
play a crucial role in the all round development of their children. A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to encourage the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a mandatory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
training on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
. I completely disagree with that viewpoint. In this essay, I will support my opinion with relevant examples.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
tend to develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique way when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to raising their children. This exclusivity/ uniqueness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it an art that cannot be completely taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, values that
are taught
during childhood are unique to a particular family or society; there is no way to generalize values.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always considered non-vegetarian meal as forbidden for human consumption and always encouraged me to a vegetarian. This may not be the case with every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or every family. Though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
may teach you values, they may not always be tailor-made to suite your interest’s.

Furthermore
, I believe that the best way to learn to raise children is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
experience; this experience can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
by observing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in your inner circle like close friends or relatives or it can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
be learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience on how you have
been raised
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always encouraged me to be adamant and outspoken, as they believed that these traits will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
be bold and mentally strong. These traits are seldom taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
they are lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
experience.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is best taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
experiential learning
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. I am of a strong opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
is unique to a particular culture, family and living conditions and all these are not taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
formally
taught.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parenting
cannot be
effectively
taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Restoration of old buildings in main cities involves enormous government expenditure. It would be more beneficial to spend this money to build new houses and roads. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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