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Research says more and more business training and business meetings taking place online. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Research says more and more business training and business meetings taking place online. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
The emergence of the fourth industrial revolution is parallel to the technological advancements that enable accessibility and flexibility. One obvious example is the movement towards conducting business sessions online. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend take more significance than the shortcomings that it entails. Regarding the benefits generated from this shift, one of the viable reasons cited by most people is the convenience of online business sessions. In particular, people are able to attend these meetings everywhere as long as they ensure a stable Internet connection; therefore, attendees can cut transportation costs. Simultaneously, if they cannot make it, they can watch the recorded seminar at another time and revise by themselves. Another bonus of business meetings conducted online is the efficiency they bring. By adapting technology into meetings, trainers, chairmen as well as employees can save time with practices such as faster documents distribution or note-taking. The platform that allows people to attend online business meetings is multifunctional, in which they can upload various sources ranging from videos of meetings to the contents of each seminar and even schedules for future discussions. There is some truth in the merits of this technology, but there is much to be said about the problems of it. Particularly, one may attribute decreasing work efficiency due to online distractions. Besides, some people may oppose to this trend by stating that some of them cannot afford technological devices or Internet connection for the requirement of online meetings. However, what they have failed to take into consideration is the providence of the company, regarding computers and wireless connection. Workers can go to their offices at any time for the online business discussions. Needless to say, these problems can all be tackled. All in all, the advantages of this movement clearly outweigh the predicaments it brings. Therefore, I strongly recommend this paper be taken into scrutiny in order to adopt suitable policies.
The emergence of the fourth industrial revolution is parallel to the technological advancements that enable accessibility and flexibility. One obvious example is the movement towards conducting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sessions
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. From my perspective, the advantages of this trend take more significance than the shortcomings that it entails.

Regarding the benefits generated from this shift, one of the viable reasons cited by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the convenience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
sessions.
In particular
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to attend these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
everywhere as long as they ensure a stable Internet connection;
therefore
, attendees can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
transportation costs.
Simultaneously
, if they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the recorded seminar at another time and revise by themselves. Another bonus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
conducted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
is the efficiency they bring. By adapting technology into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
, trainers, chairmen
as well
as employees can save time with practices such as faster documents distribution or note-taking. The platform that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
is multifunctional, in which they can upload various sources ranging from videos of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
to the contents of each seminar and even schedules for future discussions.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
truth in the merits of this technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is much to
be said
about the problems of it.
Particularly
, one may attribute decreasing work efficiency due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
distractions.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may oppose to this trend by stating that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them cannot afford technological devices or Internet connection for the requirement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meetings
.
However
, what they have failed to take into consideration is the providence of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, regarding computers and wireless connection. Workers can go to their offices at any time for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
discussions. Needless to say, these problems can all
be tackled
.

All in all, the advantages of this movement
clearly
outweigh the predicaments it brings.
Therefore
, I
strongly
recommend this paper
be taken
into scrutiny in order to adopt suitable policies.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Research says more and more business training and business meetings taking place online. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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