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Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. v. 1
In recent years, the issue of a ban on certain food products, which could be blamed for human health problems, has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this ban appears plausible, the advertising programs relating to these products should not be limited. On the one hand, the advertising programs should not be considered as a primary cause to the overeating. First, since fast food has gained in popularity in this day and age due to its convenience, people are more reliant on those foods, which might be conducive to overeating and obesity. In fact, plenty of evidence suggests that over-consumption of fast food contributes to the rate of obese people in some countries. Second, overeating can be attributed to the eating habit of those who are more reliant on fast foods. This means that excessive consumption of those foods is their decision because they have their rights to choose what they eat, which might lead to health problems, such as obesity. On the other hand, advertising programs about certain foods could bring a wide range of benefits. It is clear that customers could have more information and knowledge about the nutrient composition in those foods by watching advertising programs. For example, buyers could make a purchase of those foods, which ensures them to have adequate energy after using those. In addition, some fast food companies could fulfil their responsibilities to overeating after advertising their products. This means that they could earn more profits after doing advertising campaigns, which allows them to aid some organisations to raise the people’s awareness of overeating issue. In conclusion, the government should not impose a ban on advertising programs of certain food products. The government and individuals should cooperate to deal with overeating by raising public awareness of healthy balanced diets.
In recent years, the issue of a ban on certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, which could
be blamed
for human health problems, has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this ban appears plausible, the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
relating to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should not
be limited
.

On the one hand, the advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
should not
be considered
as a primary cause to the overeating.
First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has gained in popularity in this day and age due to its convenience,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more reliant on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which might be conducive to overeating and obesity. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence suggests that over-consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contributes to the rate of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries. Second, overeating can
be attributed
to the eating habit of those who are more reliant on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. This means that excessive consumption of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is their decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have their rights to choose what they eat, which might lead to health problems, such as obesity.

On the other hand
, advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
about certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
could bring a wide range of benefits. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that customers could have more information and knowledge about the nutrient composition in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
by watching advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
For example
, buyers could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, which ensures them to have adequate energy after using those.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
could fulfil their responsibilities to overeating after advertising their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This means that they could earn more profits after doing advertising campaigns, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to aid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
to raise the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s awareness of overeating issue.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not impose a ban on advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and individuals should cooperate to deal with overeating by raising public awareness of healthy balanced diets.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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