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Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. v. 2
Excessive consumption of certain types of food products is demonstrated to be detrimental to health as smoking. While a school of thought holds that governments should prohibit promotions of these certain food products as cigarettes in many nations, I believe that there are more viable measures to alleviate the overeating phenomenon. The idea that forbidding advertising campaigns of some types of food is of necessity to deal with overeating is not unfounded. The key rationale is that if these commodities are hindered from promoting on some social platforms such as Facebook or Instagram as well as on TV, they cannot be prevalently publicized to their target audience. Therefore, the number of consumers of these foods may reduce. However, this view is valid to some extent. Given that banning advertisements of foods may be futile to decrease the number of people eating them. Cigarettes are a case in point. There are more and more citizens in a lot of countries who addict this product, regardless of forbidding policies from authorities. On the other hand, I would argue that there are superior ways to diminish this phenomenon. To begin with, new education projects should be adopted in schools to help children understand about adverse effects of overeating to their well-being. To be specific, some curriculums such as obesity or other health-related problems should be added in these classes. Another method to tackle this problem is that governments should levy a higher tax on these kinds of food, hence increasing costs of these food products. By this way, people may be discouraged from consuming them due to their high prices. In conclusion, while overeating issue can be effectively mitigated by banning their commercial campaigns, there are some more feasible methods to reserve this phenomenon.
Excessive consumption of certain types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is demonstrated
to be detrimental to health as smoking. While a school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
holds that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should prohibit promotions of these certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as cigarettes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, I believe that there are more viable measures to alleviate the overeating phenomenon.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that forbidding advertising campaigns of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is of necessity to deal with overeating is not unfounded. The key rationale is that if these commodities
are hindered
from promoting on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social platforms such as Facebook or Instagram
as well
as on TV, they cannot be
Possible spelling mistake found.
prevalently
publicized to their target audience.
Therefore
, the number of consumers of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
However
, this view is valid to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
that banning advertisements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
may be futile to decrease the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
eating them. Cigarettes are a case in point. There are more and more citizens in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
countries who addict this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
, regardless of forbidding policies from authorities.

On the other hand
, I would argue that there are superior ways to diminish this phenomenon. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, new education projects should
be adopted
in schools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children understand about adverse effects of overeating to their well-being. To be specific,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
curriculums such as obesity or other health-related problems should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in these classes. Another method to tackle this problem is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should levy a higher tax on these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
hence
increasing costs of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. By this way,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may
be discouraged
from consuming them due to their high prices.

In conclusion
, while overeating issue can be
effectively
mitigated by banning their commercial campaigns, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
more feasible methods to reserve this phenomenon.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Research has shown that overeating is as harmful as smoking. Therefore, the advertising of certain food products should be banned in the same way as the advertising of cigarettes in some countries. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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