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Recently there has been an upward trend in the number of parents sending their children to private classes. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition. v.2

Recently there has been an upward trend in the number of parents sending their children to private classes. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition. v. 2
With rising competition in the job market today, parents have become increasingly farsighted with regard to securing their children’s future. To this end, parents tend to sign their offspring up for lessons to boost their academic performance. While it seems that private classes offer certain benefits to students, there are also certain costs associated with them. In this essay, I shall outline the pros and cons of private tuition. There is no doubt that learners derive certain benefits from attending private classes. For those who struggle with the content knowledge taught at school, attending enrichment sessions can help fill the knowledge gap and reinforce their what they have learnt from the school curriculum. Moreover, students in higher academic standing may benefit from supplementary lessons that expose them to more advanced concepts and assignments. The overall positive impact of this would be students’ improved academic outcomes, thereby allowing them more opportunities to get admitted to their dream universities or courses, and eventually secure a job of their choice. These benefits, however, do not come without a cost. As students’ spare time is increasingly dedicated to enrichment classes, time for other activities is essentially sacrificed. For example, evening earmarked for additional classes could otherwise be spent on socializing with peers, bonding with family members, or doing sport, which might in turn hone their soft skills and enhance their physical well-being. Another downside of private tuition is that it can potentially be the cause of unethical practices at school. Teachers who are profit-driven may knowingly conduct subpar lessons at school to boost the turnout of their private classes. Such a practice is not uncommon in developing countries like Viet Nam. In conclusion, it seems that while private tuition may open more doors for students, it has certain negative personal and ethical ramifications too. One should therefore weigh up the pros and cons and consider their priorities when deliberating whether or not to enroll in supplementary classes.
With rising competition in the job market
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, parents have become
increasingly
farsighted with regard to securing their children’s future. To this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, parents tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
their offspring up for lessons to boost their academic performance. While it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
costs associated with them. In this essay, I shall outline the pros and cons of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
tuition.

There is no doubt that learners derive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
from attending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. For those who struggle with the content knowledge taught at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, attending enrichment sessions can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
fill the knowledge gap and reinforce their what they have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in higher academic standing may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefit
from supplementary lessons that expose them to more advanced concepts and assignments. The
overall
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of this would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
academic outcomes, thereby allowing them more opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admitted to their dream universities or courses, and
eventually
secure a job of their choice.

These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
,
however
, do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
without a cost. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
spare time is
increasingly
dedicated to enrichment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
, time for other activities is
essentially
sacrificed.
For example
, evening earmarked for additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
could
otherwise
be spent
on socializing with peers, bonding with family members, or doing sport, which might in turn hone their soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and enhance their physical well-being. Another downside of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
tuition is that it can
potentially
be the cause of unethical practices at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Teachers who are profit-driven may
knowingly
conduct subpar lessons at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to boost the turnout of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
. Such a practice is not uncommon in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Viet
Nam.

In conclusion
, it seems that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
tuition may open more doors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, it has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
personal and ethical ramifications too. One should
therefore
weigh up the pros and cons and consider their priorities when deliberating
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
to enroll in supplementary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classes
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Recently there has been an upward trend in the number of parents sending their children to private classes. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of private tuition. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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