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Recently, it is not common for people to know their neighbours. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v.1

Recently, it is not common for people to know their neighbours. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1
In the past, maintaining a good relationship with the neighbours were really important. Previous generations believed that becoming a part of society was a must. However, people nowadays rarely know their neighbours. In this essay, I shall provide some potential causes of this phenomenon and give my opinion regarding the necessary course of actions to solve this issue. To begin with, there are several causes of this issue. First, the development of technology changes the way people communicate to each other and also makes people less dependent towards the society. For example, previous generations ask for their neighbours’ help whenever they got into a problem, but the current generation prefers to surf on the internet to get the necessary information. Another example is young people nowadays spend their leisure time on their gadgets playing mobile games or streaming some videos. In contrast, elderly generations had to find a rival to play board games, for instance, in real life. Nonetheless, human-beings are also social creature. We have to encourage young people to be a part of the neighbourhood society. I am certain that by forming some local communities that has interesting creative activities can solve this issue. Building a free co-working space around the neighbourhood area can attract adolescents to work and spend their leisure time there. In conclusion, the current generation does not share the same value with elderly people because of the development of new technologies. I believe, forming some local communities which provoke the creative sides of young people can rebuild the awareness to get to know the neighbours and maintain the relationship with them.
In the past, maintaining a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
were
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. Previous generations believed that becoming a part of society was a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays rarely know their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
. In this essay, I shall provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential causes of this phenomenon and give my opinion regarding the necessary course of actions to solve this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several causes of this issue.
First
, the development of technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
communicate to each other and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
less dependent towards the society.
For example
, previous generations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
whenever they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
into a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation prefers to surf on the internet to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the necessary information. Another example is young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays spend their leisure time on their gadgets playing mobile games or streaming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
videos.
In contrast
, elderly generations had to find a rival to play board games,
for instance
, in real life.

Nonetheless, human-beings are
also
social creature. We
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encourage young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be a part of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
society. I am certain that by forming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local communities that has interesting creative activities can solve this issue. Building a free co-working space around the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
area can attract adolescents to work and spend their leisure time there.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation does not share the same value with elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of new technologies. I believe, forming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
local communities which provoke the creative sides of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can rebuild the awareness to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbours' is British English.
neighbours
and maintain the relationship with them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Recently, it is not common for people to know their neighbours. What is the cause of this problem? What can be done to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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