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Recent surveys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reasons for this trend, and what will be the possible outcome from this behaviour? v.4

Recent surveys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reasons for this trend, and what will be the possible outcome from this behaviour? v. 4
Immigration and travelling can undoubtedly have a significant impact on a society. Recent surveys have indicated a rise in the interest in relocation and travel to other countries. This essay will provide a detailed account of the reasons as well as the possible outcome of this trend. To start with, relocation provides people with better job opportunities. As a matter of fact, big cities are more popular, which means that their local recession tends to be very strong. As a result, employees in the city stand a very good chance of higher salaries, which will enable them to afford for the essential things in their daily routine. In reality, a recent research reveals that 66% of US workers would move abroad for a substantially higher salary. Secondly, people moved to other countries in order to obtain a higher quality of life for themselves or for their family. This higher living standard ranges from facilities such as schools, hospitals, entertainment locations like shopping malls, parks to essential needs for example food, clothes, etc. Last but not least, it is not surprising that many individuals consider travelling as their hobby since it provides them with many gold chances. Once travelling, one can relax while exploring a new culture, trying unique cuisine as well as improve themselves, become more confident on the grounds that they have no choice but to adapt new things along with overcoming various obstacles. In reality, it has been proved that 55% of people sightseeing to go off the beaten path, at the same time, 34% of millennials travel to experience more from life. There is some specific outcome of the tendency above. First of all, it is undeniable that relocation and travel boost the country’s economy. Either people who move to another country for work or excursion contribute to the economy since they must use that country’s service. For instance, Vietnam receives 442. 220 billion from the visitors in 2019. Not only does the trend affect the recession, but it also diversifies the country’s culture as well. Immigrants come to another country to settle, but they also bring in their culture during the time. To illustrate, in the US, there is still Asia market or Vietnamese market along with others and the locals can also come and purchase for goods. Nevertheless, everything has its two sides. The increase in relocation and travel can lead to the government paying more attention to the immigrants so as to assure their safety as well as their citizens. Besides, the government must also take notice of their city, services, landscapes, etc. with a view to attract more travellers. To summarize, with the aforementioned points, in my opinion, better job opportunities, higher living standard and gold chances provided by travelling are three main reasons for the increased interest in relocation and travel. In addition, the outcome of the trend above are economy boost, culture diversification and government cares.
Immigration and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
can
undoubtedly
have a significant impact on a society. Recent surveys have indicated a rise in the interest in relocation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This essay will provide a detailed account of the reasons as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as the possible outcome of this trend.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, relocation provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with better job opportunities. As a matter of fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities are more popular, which means that their local recession tends to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong.
As a result
, employees in the city stand a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance of higher salaries, which will enable them to afford for the essential things in their daily routine. In reality, a recent research reveals that 66% of US workers would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
abroad for a
substantially
higher salary.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to obtain a higher quality of life for themselves or for their family. This higher living standard ranges from facilities such as schools, hospitals, entertainment locations like shopping malls, parks to essential needs
for example
food, clothes, etc. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, it is not surprising that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
as their hobby since it provides them with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
gold chances. Once
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
, one can relax while exploring a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, trying unique cuisine as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves, become more confident on the grounds that they have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to adapt new things along with overcoming various obstacles. In reality, it has
been proved
that 55% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sightseeing to go off the beaten path, at the same time, 34% of millennials
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
to experience more from life.

There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific outcome of the tendency above.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that relocation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
boost the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
economy. Either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for work or excursion contribute to the economy since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
service.
For instance
, Vietnam receives 442. 220 billion from the visitors in 2019. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the trend affect the recession,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
diversifies the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
. Immigrants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to settle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
bring in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
during the time. To illustrate, in the US, there is
still
Asia market or Vietnamese market along with others and the locals can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.
Nevertheless
, everything has its two sides. The increase in relocation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
can lead to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
paying more attention to the immigrants
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
assure their safety as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as their citizens.
Besides
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
take notice of their city, services, landscapes, etc. with a view to attract more
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
.

To summarize
, with the aforementioned points, in my opinion, better job opportunities, higher living standard and gold chances provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
are three main reasons for the increased interest in relocation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
.
In addition
, the outcome of the trend above are economy boost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
diversification and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
cares.
20Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent surveys show increased interest in relocation and travel to other countries. What may be the reasons for this trend, and what will be the possible outcome from this behaviour? v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
485 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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