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Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v.7

Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 7
Brutal crimes committed by the young people are on the rise today and this is a very concerning issue for many. The recent statistic and expert opinions indicate that the increased juvenile crime rate is rooted in the lack of their social and moral learning and lack of proper teaching, training from the parents and teachers. In this essay,   I will express my opinion in agreement as I believe that social and emotional learning in childhood from family and schools are not efficient these days. Obviously, living cost is rapidly increasing and both the parents are working outside to earn their daily bread. As a result, children are unattended for a long time. In addition, parents, for instance, are tired after their hectic work day and busy with their own business. So children hardly get time to interact with their parents. Emotional bonding between the children and parents has become weaker and the number of divorced father or mother is increasing drastically. Moreover, nowadays children are busy with the latest technological devices and thus become less active socially. Most of the parents are busy with their own career and do not restrict the usage of computers and internets. They in many cases do not observe what their children are doing. Furthermore, adolescent age is a crucial period and lack of parental care and support may lead to antisocial behaviour. Lessons and moral values learned in the childhood impact someone’s adulthood and thus the lack of proper parenting lead them to become criminals in even early ages. The children get involved in drugs, crimes and other unlawful activities due to their lack of parental guidelines, sensitive age, depression and bad lifestyle. Furthermore, teachers are often considered as the best mentors for students and their lack of attention, responsibility and quality as teachers often ruin the students. Unfortunately, in this competitive world school curriculum do not consider students aptitude and restrain them within a tight academic schedule. As a result, teenagers easily get distracted from the subject and may turn to be violence person. Secondly, teachers in the past not only focused on the students’ academic learning but also to their moral side. But nowadays, educating the moral side is the least priority with the intention of business in schools. Thus the teenagers are not learning from a mentor but from someone whose main intention is to earn money and save the job. In conclusion, it is clear that today's paradigm shift in family and school environment is responsible for increased crime rate among the teenagers. Both the parents and the teachers should pay proper attention to the children and should become ideal people from whom children will learn the morality and values of life.
Brutal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
committed by the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are on the rise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
and this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerning issue for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. The recent statistic and expert opinions indicate that the increased juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate
is rooted
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of their social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of proper teaching, training from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
. In this essay,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
I will express my opinion in agreement as I believe that social and emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
in childhood from family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are not efficient these days.

Obviously
, living cost is
rapidly
increasing and both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are working outside to earn their daily bread.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are unattended
for a long time.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
for instance
,
are tired
after their hectic work day and busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
business.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
time to interact with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Emotional bonding between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
weaker and the number of divorced father or mother is increasing
drastically
.
Moreover
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are busy with the latest technological devices and
thus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
less active
socially
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
career and do not restrict the usage of computers and
Possible spelling mistake found.
internets
. They in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases do not observe what their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are doing.
Furthermore
, adolescent age is a crucial period and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of parental care and support may lead to antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. Lessons and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
values learned in the childhood impact someone’s adulthood and
thus
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of proper parenting lead them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
criminals in even early ages. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in drugs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and other unlawful activities due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of parental guidelines, sensitive age, depression and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
lifestyle.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as the best mentors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lack
of attention, responsibility and quality as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
ruin the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Unfortunately, in this competitive world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
curriculum do not consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
aptitude and restrain them within a tight academic schedule.
As a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
distracted from the subject and may turn to be violence person.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
in the past not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focused on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
side.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
moral
side is the least priority with the intention of business in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
from a mentor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
from someone whose main intention is to earn money and save the job.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's paradigm shift in family and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
environment is responsible for increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should pay proper attention to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
ideal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from whom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will learn the morality and values of life.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
50Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Recent figures show an increase in violent crime among youngsters under the age of 18. Some psychologists claim that the basic reason for this is that children these days are not getting the social and emotional learning they need from parents and teachers. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
454 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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