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Recent advancements in technology have made TV screen so live that people do not feel the need to go for live performances eg live shows or concerts To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Recent advancements in technology have made TV screen so live that people do not feel the need to go for live performances eg live shows or concerts v. 1
These days it is argued that advanced technology has resulted in creating television and home theatre systems experience rather more realistic than live performances, so people prefer to watch programmes at home itself. In my opinion, I agree that the long leap made by visual entertainment technology vastly influenced our habit to stay home to watch programmes or shows. Technology on the television screen has developed beyond human imagination that their treat to eyes greatly influenced our entertainment habits. At the moment, the innovations in HD experiences are improving even day by day in such a way that we have an astonishing range of products to choose from, like Ultra HD curved screen, 3D displays, surround view and Dolby home theatre to name a few. The quality of experience these elicit is scintillating that it can even excel and downplay the real-time naked-eye viewing experience. Moreover, the vast availability of service providers to comply with the HD technology also allows all sections of the population to get their favourite show, whether it is a live performance, a deferred telecast or even one latest movie, to enjoy in high quality sitting at the comfort of their own drawing room. In addition to that, technologies are getting upgraded and updated at the blink of the eyes so that features like the pause and watch later of a live cricket game and zooming into the display can be availed by users at their preferences. These, proximity of facilitation and features make people more attached to their TV screens. In conclusion, in my opinion, the technologies and innovations on the viewing screen at the drawing room, have brought in a pivotal change in habit of people of this era to prefer rather watch the vivid and rich experience of latest HD entertainment systems than go out for live entertainments.
These days it
is argued
that advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has resulted in creating television and home
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
systems
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
rather
more realistic than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
at home itself. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the long leap made by visual entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
vastly
influenced our habit to stay home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
.

Technology on the television screen has developed beyond human imagination that their treat to eyes
greatly
influenced our entertainment habits. At the moment, the innovations in HD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are improving even day by day in such a way that we have an astonishing range of products to choose from, like Ultra HD curved screen, 3D displays, surround view and Dolby home
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to name a few. The quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
these elicit is scintillating that it can even excel and downplay the real-time naked-eye viewing experience.

Moreover
, the vast availability of service providers to comply with the HD
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
all sections of the population to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
, whether it is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
performance, a deferred telecast or even one latest movie, to enjoy in high quality sitting at the comfort of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawing room.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
are getting upgraded and updated at the blink of the eyes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that features like the pause and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
later of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
cricket game and zooming into the display can
be availed
by users at their preferences. These, proximity of facilitation and features
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more attached to their TV screens.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
and innovations on the viewing screen at the drawing room, have brought in a pivotal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in habit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of this era to prefer
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the vivid and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
HD entertainment systems than go out for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
entertainments.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Recent advancements in technology have made TV screen so live that people do not feel the need to go for live performances eg live shows or concerts v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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