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Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is being increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy? v.1

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is being increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy? v. 1
With increased choices in eating and a sedentary lifestyle, obesity has become a global issue, irrespective of the age. While earlier, it was believed to be an illness of older people, recently, it is compounding more among youngsters. Has anyone thought about the dire consequences of this change? Although, there are many reasons behind this vogue, however, if we educate our next generation about the importance of self well-being, then this situation can be controlled to get worse. In this essay we will discuss the reasons behind this issue and will try to find a solution which can help adolescents and teenagers to stay healthy. In many countries, the multifarious options of fast-food have attracted not only adults, but also the children. To save time, and for convenience, even the elders of the family expose their offspring to these ready to eat meal. Hence, making everyone addicted to such type of eatables. Studies have shown, when adult members of the family do not care about their own health, their kids are expected to follow them and further surpass them in such habits. As a result, the whole association becomes unhealthy while following each other and the wide choices of such foodstuff. Hence, wrong choice of food and sedentary lifestyle is making and will continue to make our people obese. This situation is not going to improve until the current community does not make themselves acquainted to a healthy lifestyle, as for youngsters, we are the role model, and they learn from us. Furthermore, schools should also educate their students about the vital importance of following a healthy regime and eating healthy feed. A study by the child psychology department of New York says that the kids who are made to practice a good-living right from the beginning, are expected to follow this throughout their lives than those who do not get this learning. Therefore, it becomes essential for the education system and elders to educate youngsters about healthy styles, so that kids can get a brighter healthy future. To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can be deducted that although obesity has become a major issue among all ages, still with the right intervention of parents to educate their offspring about this and further themselves following a healthy living can address this unhealthy trend. In my opinion, if we all get aware of its pernicious effects and start following healthy-living and make our kids walk on the same path than this pandemic can be resolved automatically.
With increased choices in eating and a sedentary lifestyle, obesity has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a global issue, irrespective of the age. While earlier, it
was believed
to be an illness of older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, recently, it is compounding more among youngsters. Has anyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about the dire consequences of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
? Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons behind this vogue,
however
, if we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educate
our
next
generation about the importance of self well-being, then this situation can
be controlled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
worse. In this essay we will discuss the reasons behind this issue and will try to find a solution which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
adolescents and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to stay healthy.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, the multifarious options of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food have attracted not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
adults,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the children. To save time, and for convenience, even the elders of the family expose their offspring to these ready to eat meal.
Hence
, making everyone addicted to such type of eatables. Studies have shown, when adult members of the family do not care about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to follow them and
further
surpass them in such habits.
As a result
, the whole association
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
unhealthy while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
each other and the wide choices of such foodstuff.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
choice of food and sedentary lifestyle is making and will continue to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
obese.

This situation is not going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
until the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
community does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
themselves acquainted to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
lifestyle, as for youngsters, we are the role model, and they learn from us.
Furthermore
, schools should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educate
their students about the vital importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
regime and eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
feed. A study by the child psychology department of New York says that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
who
are made
to practice a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
-living right from the beginning, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to follow this throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
than those who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this learning.
Therefore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
essential for the education system and elders to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educate
youngsters about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
styles,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a brighter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
future.

To recapitulate, having mulled over above stated arguments and information, and deliberating all the facts, it can
be deducted
that although obesity has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a major issue among all ages,
still
with the right intervention of parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educate
their offspring about this and
further
themselves
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
living can address this unhealthy trend. In my opinion, if we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
aware of its pernicious effects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
healthy-living and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
walk on the same path
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
than
this pandemic can
be resolved
automatically
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is being increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
425 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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