Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Question 3 Letter in the Centerville College News The administration has plans to acquire a new sculpture for campus. We should all oppose this plan. The university’s poor financial condition led it to increase the price for campus housing an v.1

Question 3 Letter in the Centerville College News The administration has plans to acquire a new sculpture for campus. We should all oppose this plan. The university’s poor financial condition led it to increase the price for campus housing an v. 1
I consider sports to be as much as important as academic education. Therefore, I expect Universities to spend the same amount of money to their students' sports activities, as they do in their university libraries. The basis of my view is based on many reasons. First of all, a healthy mind needs a healthy body. Therefore, students should be encouraged to practice sports because this would have a great impact on their education as well. When students practice sports, they would be healthier and stronger, and thus they would be able to study better and get higher scores. I used to be a member of the swimming team while I was studying at the university, and this helped me a lot. I still remember how excited I was to attend a lecture after finishing with my swimming practice. I felt so fresh and ready for all the academic challenges afterwards. Secondly, students need to have other incentives than attending classes at a university. Not all students are unanimously interested in studying. Therefore, having other enticing programs like sports could be a great motivation for students to have degrees and graduate from universities. I'm not exaggerating at all, my friend's brother was not interested to continue his education, and his parents were so disappointed, but it was not until he heard about a university in California, that has the best basketball team in the States, and this was it. He applied for that university to study business administration, only because he wanted to be a member of the basketball team. Finally, it is very beneficial for students to spend some of their leisure time practising sports rather than doing other things. Students at the university can be so vulnerable to many bad habits such as smoking, drug addiction, drinking and many other things that can be harmful to them. Practising sports can certainly drag them away from such detrimental habits. In conclusion, sports are considered to be extremely useful for students, they keep them healthy. They also motivate them to study. Moreover, they prevent them from practising various bad habits. Therefore, I believe that universities should allocate the same amount of money, for both students sports and university libraries.
I consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as academic education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Universities
to spend the same amount of money to their students'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities, as they do in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
libraries. The basis of my view
is based
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a healthy mind needs a healthy body.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should
be encouraged
to practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this would have a great impact on their education
as well
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, they would be healthier and stronger, and
thus
they would be able to study better and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher scores. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be a member of the swimming team while I was studying at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me a lot. I
still
remember how excited I was to attend a lecture after finishing with my swimming practice.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
felt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
fresh and ready for all the academic challenges afterwards.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
need to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
incentives than attending classes at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. Not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are
unanimously
interested in studying.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
enticing programs like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
could be a great motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to have degrees and graduate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I'm not exaggerating at all, my friend's brother was not interested to continue his education, and his parents were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
disappointed,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not until he heard about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in California, that has the best basketball team in the States, and this was it. He applied for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to study business administration,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he wanted to be a member of the basketball team.

Finally
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their leisure time
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
rather
than doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
vulnerable to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits such as smoking, drug addiction, drinking and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
things that can be harmful to them.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Practising' is British English.
Practising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
certainly
drag them away from such detrimental habits.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are considered
to be
extremely
useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy. They
also
motivate them to study.
Moreover
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should allocate the same amount of money, for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
libraries.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Question 3 Letter in the Centerville College News The administration has plans to acquire a new sculpture for campus. We should all oppose this plan. The university’s poor financial condition led it to increase the price for campus housing an v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts