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TPO16-Q6Using points and examples form the talk, explain internal and external locus of control. v.1

TPO16-Q6Using points and examples form the talk, explain internal and external locus of control. v. 1
Nowadays, the life is evolving and our demands are changing dramatically. While many believe that teenagers should keep an eye on the older people steps, others argue that it is normal to question what older people say. In my opinion, teenagers should pursue their own dreams which led them to not follow older people examples. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments and provide a conclusion with my personal point of view. To begin with, there are several reasons why many people claim that teenagers should follow older people models. Firstly, the older people have learnt from their own experiences, and this has raised there own level of judgement and wisdom. These experiences could give an added value to the younger generation by advising them with the consequences of important life decisions. For example, some of teenagers are following the footprint of older politics people to gain success. Secondly, our traditions are the most valuable inputs to our life, and it should be passed to the next generations. Therefore, the younger generations should consider older people as a proving example in following them to maintain these traditions. Furthermore, as our life is changing due to many factors, teenagers should naturally challenge the older people instructions. To commence with, the demand of modern life is changing and the new experiences should be learnt due to technology. If the teenagers did not conduct their own call in this life, they will not gain the required knowledge. For instance, the demands have been developed in the recent age and the new generations should evolve with them form their own experiences. Moreover, the teenagers are having a different input for some points which they should be done differently these days. Accordingly, they need to apply an extra step in the experiment and learn from the outcome. To sum up, following older people believe is useful, but it is not mandatory to be applicable for all the cases. I profoundly believe that the younger generation should challenge older people experiences and implement what is best for them to cope in modern life.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is evolving and our demands are changing
dramatically
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
steps
, others argue that it is normal to question what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should pursue their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams which led them to not follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
examples
. This essay will discuss both sides of the arguments and provide a conclusion with my personal point of view.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are several reasons why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
models
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
, and this has raised there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
level of judgement and wisdom. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
could give an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
value to the younger generation by advising them with the consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
decisions.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are following the footprint of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
politics
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to gain success.
Secondly
, our traditions are the most valuable inputs to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, and it should
be passed
to the
next
generations.
Therefore
, the younger generations should consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as a proving example in following them to maintain these traditions.

Furthermore
, as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is changing due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should
naturally
challenge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instructions. To commence with, the demand of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is changing and the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
should be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
due to technology. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
did not conduct their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
call in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, they will not gain the required knowledge.
For instance
, the demands have
been developed
in the recent age and the new generations should evolve with them form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are having a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
input for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points which they should
be done
differently
these days.
Accordingly
, they need to apply an extra step in the experiment and learn from the outcome.

To sum up, following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe is useful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not mandatory to be applicable for all the cases. I
profoundly
believe that the younger generation should challenge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
experiences
and implement what is best for them to cope in modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO16-Q6Using points and examples form the talk, explain internal and external locus of control. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
349 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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