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Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. v. 1
Tertiary education has become incessantly exorbitant and competitive which has made securing admission in universities an arduous task. But is getting admission in higher education institute equally difficult for people with good financial background as it is for poor? While this is a contentious debate, I disagree and believe that individuals with affluent backgrounds are more likable to get into a university. The reasons for my this opinion are outlined below with supporting examples. To begin with, number of private universities have inexorably increased in recent years providing people with well-off backgrounds an easy opportunity to get admission there despite poor academic scores. To be specific, in contrast to public sector universities, private universities charge far higher fees and thus only students coming from the strong financial background can afford them. For instance, private medical colleges in Pakistan offer admissions to students who have very poor academic records but charge them high fees. Indeed, if one has the financial means to afford costly education then its easy to enroll into a tertiary level educational institute. Moreover, it is observed that universities have set high application charges causing people to apply to less universities. As a result, applying in fewer number of institutes result into less probability of getting admission. For example, since I applied in more than twenty universities for admission after my intermediate, it resulted into higher probability of acceptance. Hence, as it costs significant amount of money to apply in large number of universities, it is difficult for individuals from marginalized section of society to secure admission into universities. In conclusion, because private universities have dominated education sector, now it is possible to get into higher education institutes inspite of mediocre academic records. Also, owing to high application fees of universities, it is difficult for people from poor background to apply for multitude of universities and thus resulting into less probability of securing admission.
Tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has become
incessantly
exorbitant and competitive which has made securing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
an arduous task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
is getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institute
equally
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
as it is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
? While this is a contentious debate, I disagree and believe that individuals with affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
are more likable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
. The reasons for my this opinion
are outlined
below with supporting examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have
inexorably
increased in recent years providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with well-off
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
backgrounds
an easy opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
there despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
academic scores. To be specific,
in contrast
to public sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
charge far higher fees and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
students coming from the strong financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
can afford them.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
medical colleges in Pakistan offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admissions
to students who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
academic records
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
charge them high fees.
Indeed
, if one has the financial means to afford costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
then its easy to enroll into a tertiary level educational institute.

Moreover
, it
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have set high application charges causing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to apply to
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun universities is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
.
As a result
, applying in fewer number of institutes result into less probability of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
.
For example
, since I applied in more than twenty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
after my intermediate, it resulted into higher probability of acceptance.
Hence
, as it costs significant amount of money to apply in large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it is difficult for individuals from marginalized section of society to secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
into universities.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have dominated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
institutes
Possible spelling mistake found.
inspite
of mediocre academic records.
Also
, owing to high application fees of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
, it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
background
to apply for multitude of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and
thus
resulting into less probability of securing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into University difficult. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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