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q5. Men wants to go home but he has to attend the class. Describe the man's problem and the two solutions that his friend makes to handle it. What do you think the man should do and why? v.1

q5. Men wants to go home but he has to attend the class. Describe the man's problem and the two solutions that his friend makes to handle it. What do you think the man should do and why? v. 1
Undoubtedly, a topic central to today’s debate has revolved around a question whether attending and finishing a tertiary course is more favourable for one’s job. While some people claim that beginning to work as soon as graduating from high school is better, in my viewpoints, personally, I lean towards believing people still need to study in universities due to some beneficial, if not imperative factors they will acquire from there. On the one hand, there is no room for doubt that there is some vital experience only stemming from working environment as opposed to traditional learning space. First and foremost, this point can be rooted from the fact that a great number of soft skills and rule of thumbs such as the ability to bear lingering working pressure, communication, …. And so forth may be non-transferable or overlooked in a conventional class where specialized knowledge has been the foremost priority. In other words, an early source of hands-on grasp will help them to be accustomed their job characteristics, thereby, adapt promptly to the working environment. On the other hand, integrating into a course at an institution of higher education will exert many advantageous impact on people. This can be witnessed in the point that students will be likely to obtain more opportunities to gain sufficiently in-depth knowledge about a particular field which has been regarded as the precursor for one’s sustained development at career ladders. Concomitantly, this aforementioned case can be clearly exemplified by occupations requiring abundant, accurate and official understanding such as teacher, engineer, doctor, … Furthermore, a university degree has been widely acknowledged as a precondition, if not prerequisite for individuals to blend in many high-ranking jobs. Hence, by and large, those who want to receive a highly satisfactory job have to study a course in universities. In conclusion, on the basis of the above-mentioned arguments, despite some benefits that early working, especially right after acquiring high school diploma can bring about, tertiary education has been still indispensable towards many people, in some particular knowledge-based fields.
Undoubtedly
, a topic central to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s debate has revolved around a question whether attending and finishing a tertiary course is more
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that beginning to work as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as graduating from high school is better, in my viewpoints,
personally
, I lean towards believing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
need to study in universities due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial, if not imperative factors they will acquire from there.

On the one hand, there is no room for doubt that there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vital experience
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
stemming from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment as opposed to traditional learning space.
First
and foremost, this point can
be rooted
from the fact that a great number of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of thumbs such as the ability to bear lingering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
pressure, communication, …. And
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
forth may be non-transferable or overlooked in a conventional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
where specialized knowledge has been the foremost priority.
In other words
, an early source of hands-on grasp will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
be accustomed
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
characteristics, thereby, adapt
promptly
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
environment.

On the other hand
, integrating into a course at an institution of higher education will exert
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantageous impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This can
be witnessed
in the point that students will be likely to obtain more opportunities to gain
sufficiently
in-depth knowledge about a particular field which has
been regarded
as the precursor for one’s sustained development at career ladders.
Concomitantly
, this aforementioned case can be
clearly
exemplified by occupations requiring abundant, accurate and official understanding such as teacher, engineer, doctor, …
Furthermore
, a university degree has been
widely
acknowledged as a precondition, if not prerequisite for individuals to blend in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
high-ranking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
Hence
, by and large, those who want to receive a
highly
satisfactory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study a course in universities.

In conclusion
, on the basis of the above-mentioned arguments, despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
,
especially
right after acquiring high school diploma can bring about, tertiary education has been
still
indispensable towards
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular knowledge-based fields.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay q5. Men wants to go home but he has to attend the class. Describe the man's problem and the two solutions that his friend makes to handle it. What do you think the man should do and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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