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q3. New houses built of campus. The women expresses her opinion of the university's plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v.1

q3. New houses built of campus. The women expresses her opinion of the university's plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1
In the recent era, where juveniles spend the majority of their leisure time watching television and playing the online games, it becomes the need of the hour for the guardians to restrict their adolescents in wasting their number of hours in these activities and instead divert these hours toward reading books. I largely agree with this statement. First of all, although it cannot be denied that TV and internet plays an imperative role in the lives of adolescents, but, getting addicted to these facilities sometimes results in ailments like eye problems, stress and Depression and even sometimes results in aggressive conduct and loss of health. Therefore, limiting the viewing hours is of utmost importance and children should be stimulated to go through academic as well as inspirational books that aid them in developing the intellectual skills and widen their horizons. For instance, in a recent survey in Delhi, it has been observed that the kids who are less subjected to Television have high intelligence levels. There are other benefits of studying articles and journals in their free time. Firstly, kids get knowledge about the latest inventions in the area of science and technology and thus, they are in a better position to decide about what is the best career option for them. Then, books also teach them about the good and bad conducts and how to maintain a balance between social and personal life. To conclude, undoubtedly, juveniles preferred to see TV and play games online, but at the same time, it is the responsibility of the guardians to ensure that kids should spend more time on books than spending time watching movies on TV.
In the recent era, where juveniles spend the majority of their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching television and playing the online games, it becomes the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
for the guardians to restrict their adolescents in wasting their number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in these activities and
instead
divert these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
toward reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. I
largely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, although it cannot
be denied
that TV and internet plays an imperative role in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of adolescents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, getting addicted to these facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
results in ailments like eye problems,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and Depression and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
results in aggressive conduct and loss of health.
Therefore
, limiting the viewing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is of utmost importance and children should
be stimulated
to go through academic
as well
as inspirational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
that aid them in developing the intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and widen their horizons.
For instance
, in a recent survey in Delhi, it has
been observed
that the kids who are less subjected to Television have high intelligence levels.

There are other benefits of studying articles and journals in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Firstly
, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about the latest inventions in the area of science and technology and
thus
, they are in a better position to decide about what is the best career option for them. Then,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
also
teach them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conducts and how to maintain a balance between social and personal life.

To conclude
,
undoubtedly
, juveniles preferred to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
TV and play games online,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, it is the responsibility of the guardians to ensure that kids should spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching movies on TV.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay q3. New houses built of campus. The women expresses her opinion of the university's plan. State her opinion and explain the reasons that she gives for holding that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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