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q5. Computer broke down. Describe the problem and explain which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v.1

q5. Computer broke down. Describe the problem and explain which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1
University learning is very important and there are different ways to finance it such as, the authority take's the responsibility of all the fees, students paying all the price or pupil pay all expenses through government loan. In this essay we will discuss about its merits. To start with, If authority pays all the amount then it will help many people's. There are many kid's who are not able to study due to financing issues, but, if the government fund's it, then they will be able to educate without worrying about payment which indirectly improve the economy of the country. Secondly, If the student's pay all fees themselves by working while studying, it improves their certain skills. For example, It will help kid's to have real life experience which can help them in the future, it make's them more mature and improve their critical thinking. They will learn the value of money. Last but not the least, If the student's paying all cost through loan's it does reduce some amount of burden for the student's as they doesn't need to pay in huge quantity rather they pay in small amount's. Pupil can pay the expenditure later, after completing of their study as it also reduce the burden of government as well, they can focus and fund other sector's such as, unemployment, health and transport system. In conclusion, in my opinion, all the methods have their own merits, but the last method is more effective and commonly found as it can help many students.
University learning is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways to finance it such as, the authority take's the responsibility of all the fees, students paying all the price or pupil
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
all expenses through
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
loan. In this essay we will
Did you mean simply "discuss its"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about its
merits.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, If authority
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pays
all the amount then it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "kids"?
kid's
who are not able to study due to financing issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
fund's it, then they will be able to educate without worrying about payment which
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the country.

Secondly
, If the student's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
all fees themselves by working while studying, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
their certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For example
, It will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
kid's to have real life experience which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in the future, it
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "makes"?
make's
them more mature and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their critical thinking. They will learn the value of money.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, If the student's paying all cost through loan's it does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
amount of burden for the student's as they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "don't"
doesn't
need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
in huge quantity
rather
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
amount's. Pupil can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
the expenditure later, after completing of their study as it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the burden of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
as well
, they can focus and fund other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'sector'.
sector's
such as, unemployment, health and transport system.

In conclusion
, in my opinion, all the methods have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the last method is more effective and
commonly
found as it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay q5. Computer broke down. Describe the problem and explain which of the two solutions you prefer and why. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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