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Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby Therefore smoking should be banned in public places To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby Therefore smoking should be banned in public places v. 1
In this era of digitalisation internet plays a vital role, but as it is said that every technology comes up with both pros and cons, so before getting to any conclusion, both hands need to be discussed. In further paragraph both aspects are examined precisely. Firstly, discovery of internet has revolutionized the field of technology. According to a survey, every single technical object is now interconnected with each other via the technology of internet of things using internet. Secondly, it has decreased the turnout time of communication, as in earlier days it used to take lots of time and efforts to pass a message to someone in distant. Moreover, all the information is now in reach of everyone's finger tips away. Nowadays, individual can pass a message to a wider range of people from a single node using phone or laptop connected to the web. On the contrary, this boon has come with some bane, due to availability of everything so easily people have become more digitally available rather than physically. It has lead to a problem where individuals spend more and more time online, due to this they forget their social responsibility and morals of social gatherings. For instance, earlier people use to gather every weekend to share their stories and feelings of the whole week. Additionally, intra personal relations are getting affected due to virtual interactions. Those old days selflessness feelings are diminishing. To conclude, it can be said that every technology has its goods and bads, it totally depends on us that how we use this technology. I strongly agree that due to internet people are getting distant, but they have also come closer virtually in this hectic life.
In this era of
Possible spelling mistake. 'digitalisation' is British English.
digitalisation
internet plays a vital role,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as it
is said
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
up with both pros and cons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
getting to any conclusion, both hands need to
be discussed
. In
further
paragraph both aspects
are examined
precisely
.

Firstly
, discovery of internet has revolutionized the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. According to a survey, every single technical object is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
interconnected with each other via the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
of internet of things using internet.
Secondly
, it has decreased the turnout time of communication, as in earlier days it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take lots of time and efforts to pass a message to someone in distant.
Moreover
, all the information is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in reach of everyone's finger tips away. Nowadays, individual can pass a message to a wider range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from a single node using phone or laptop connected to the web.

On the contrary
, this boon has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bane,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to availability of everything
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become more
digitally
available
rather
than
physically
. It has lead to a problem where individuals spend more and more time online,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this they forget their social responsibility and morals of social gatherings.
For instance
, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
gather every weekend to share their stories and feelings of the whole week.
Additionally
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
intra
personal relations are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to virtual interactions. Those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
days selflessness feelings are diminishing.

To conclude
, it can
be said
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
bads
, it
totally
depends on us that how we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting distant,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
closer
virtually
in this hectic life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Smoking not only harms the smoker but also those who are nearby Therefore smoking should be banned in public places v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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