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Q1: Describe a most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why it was important to you. Include reasons and example to support your response. v.1

Q1: Describe a most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why it was important to you. Include reasons and example to support your response. v. 1
Majority out there believes that to inspire workers to be productive, their wages must be reviewed based on their performance. In my opinion, I totally agree with this because when you reward employee for their commitment, it motivates them to be at their best always. To start with, there is a trending belief by most people that staffs are inspired monetarily to be more efficient and result oriented in their work. This is because an employee, who puts in extra effort to be excellent at work, understands that it will translate to cash. However, additional incentive propels people to sit up and stop being lazy at work. I agree with this approach because the workforce will be highly competitive. For example, in MTN sales departments, everybody is paid strictly on commission hence the thought of making extra money becomes the inspiration. Furthermore, the strategy of paying people based on how much they give to the company also adds value to her. This is because the goal of every institution is to make profit through her activities. So, applauding staffs in cash increases her financial strength. Additionally, this will help in staff evaluation. To me, it is an interesting idea because everyone will be at their best and the company, very productive. Another example is that most companies that have adopted this style of appraisal are very influential in the society. In conclusion, the publicity that people become committed and efficient at work when they are remunerated is overwhelming. In my opinion, I agree with the concept because both the company and her employee benefits from it when implemented properly.
Majority out there believes that to inspire workers to be productive, their wages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reviewed
based on their performance. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when you reward employee for their commitment, it motivates them to be at their best
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there is a trending belief by most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that staffs
are inspired
monetarily
to be more efficient and result oriented in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an employee, who puts in extra effort to be excellent at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, understands that it will translate to cash.
However
, additional incentive propels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sit up and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
being lazy at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this approach
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the workforce will be
highly
competitive.
For example
, in MTN sales departments, everybody
is paid
strictly
on commission
hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of making extra money becomes the inspiration.

Furthermore
, the strategy of paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
based on how much they give to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
value to her. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the goal of every institution is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profit through her activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, applauding staffs in cash increases her financial strength.
Additionally
, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in staff evaluation. To me, it is an interesting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone will be at their best and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
productive. Another example is that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
that have adopted this style of appraisal are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
influential in the society.

In conclusion
, the publicity that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become committed and efficient at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they
are remunerated
is overwhelming. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the concept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and her employee benefits from it when implemented
properly
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Q1: Describe a most unforgettable success in your life. Explain why it was important to you. Include reasons and example to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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