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Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is case? What effects this has on individuals and society in general? v.3

Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is case? What effects this has on individuals and society in general? v. 3
Sparing time for one’s hobbies has been an uphill task now a days for a significant majority of people. This may be attributed to changes in lifestyle of modern society as well people’s relentless race towards their professional careers. Without any doubt, this trend is taking a toll on the physical and psychological health of humans. One of the reasons that people are moving away from their hobbies is the unending pursuit of their own careers. Accordingly, Long working hours and pressure of excelling in respective field has drifted people away from their hobbies. In addition, lack of luring opportunities to integrate hobbies into a full time career is another repellent for people to ignore their hobbies. For instance, a mother pushing his son to focus on academics rather than enhancing his skills in a painting can be seen as a fit example of prioritising long term careers over craft. Adding to these, another reason that may have aggravated the issue is lack of joint families in current times. Children in nuclear families often lack the encouragement and support that arises of the unconditional love from their grandparents to pursue their dreams. Consequently, not making hobbies as a part of daily life has come up with its own ramifications on civilisation as a whole. As a result, life is turning out to be monotonous and individuals are losing charm. Survival of the fittest is rapidly becoming the prime motto for the social animal. Community is lacking multi directional development and as a result has become less coherent. Indeed, doctors are alarming on the adverse impact of sailing away from one’s hobbies on mental and physical health as our medical community directly sees a correlation between stress and the period that we spend to pursue our hobbies. To Conclude, survival in the tough competitive world has taken precedence over hobbies. Awareness of this frightening trend in health and development of humans should be spread across on prominent platforms for maximum reach out to public. Otherwise, we will be fast becoming a society without a human touch in recent future
Sparing time for one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
has been an uphill task
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
for a significant majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This may
be attributed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in lifestyle of modern society
as well
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relentless race towards their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
. Without any doubt, this trend is taking a toll on the physical and psychological health of humans.

One of the reasons that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are moving away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
is the unending pursuit of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
.
Accordingly
, Long working hours and pressure of excelling in respective field has drifted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
In addition
, lack of luring opportunities to integrate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
into a full time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
is another repellent for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
.
For instance
, a mother pushing his son to focus on academics
rather
than enhancing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in a painting can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a fit example of
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritising' is British English.
prioritising
long term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
careers
over craft. Adding to these, another reason that may have aggravated the issue is lack of joint families in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
times. Children in nuclear families
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack the encouragement and support that arises of the unconditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
from their grandparents to pursue their dreams.

Consequently
, not making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
as a part of daily life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ramifications on
Possible spelling mistake. 'civilisation' is British English.
civilisation
as a whole.
As a result
, life is turning out to be monotonous and individuals are losing charm. Survival of the fittest is
rapidly
becoming the prime motto for the social animal. Community is lacking multi directional development and
as a result
has become less coherent.
Indeed
, doctors are alarming on the adverse impact of sailing away from one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
on mental and physical health as our medical community
directly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a correlation between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and the period that we spend to pursue our hobbies.

To Conclude
, survival in the tough competitive world has taken precedence over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. Awareness of this frightening trend in health and development of humans should
be spread
across on prominent platforms for maximum reach out to public.
Otherwise
, we will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
becoming a society without a human touch in recent future
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Few people devote time to hobbies nowadays. Why you think this is case? What effects this has on individuals and society in general? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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