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Some People Think That It Would Be Better For Large Companies and Industries To Move To Regional Areas Outside Urban Centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v.1

Some People Think That It Would Be Better For Large Companies and Industries To Move To Regional Areas Outside Urban Centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1
It is of the general opinion that large sector industries would benefit more if they relocate to rural areas from the urban areas. However, this development is considered to have drawbacks too, but in my opinion, the advantages of relocating outweigh the disadvantages. The first advantage of shifting the industry to the countryside is that the trend of people moving to urban areas will reduce. Companies shifting to rural areas will create job opportunities for the residents of those areas. According to a recent survey by the Government of Pakistan, the majority of residents of rural areas move to cities primarily for seeking a job. Moreover, the shift of commercial activities in under-developed areas will also help in the eradication of poverty, and increasing their living standards. However, there are certain disadvantages as well. Moving towards rural areas would disturb the environment as well. The waste disposal of factories would affect the agricultural lands. As according to a research in the industrial area of Lahore, people living close to industries have several skin allergies, caused by dangerous emissions and wastes. Additionally, air and noise pollution also creates disturbance for the residents, affecting their emotional and physical health. In conclusion, besides the problem of pollution and resulting health concerns, the movement of industries to countryside proves to benefit more by creating job opportunities for the residents and improving their living standards. However, I believe that pollution issue can be addressed by implementing legislation by the authorities regarding the location of the factories and disposal of waste.
It is of the general opinion that large sector
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would benefit more if they relocate to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
from the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
However
, this development
is considered
to have drawbacks too,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my opinion, the advantages of relocating outweigh the disadvantages.

The
first
advantage of shifting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
to the countryside is that the trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
moving to urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
shifting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will create job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. According to a recent survey by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of Pakistan, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities
primarily
for seeking a job.
Moreover
, the shift of commercial activities in under-developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the eradication of poverty, and increasing their living standards.

However
, there are certain disadvantages
as well
. Moving towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
would disturb the environment
as well
. The waste disposal of factories would affect the agricultural lands. As according to
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
in the industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
of Lahore,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living close to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
have several skin allergies, caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
emissions and wastes.
Additionally
, air and noise pollution
also
creates disturbance for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
, affecting their emotional and physical health.

In conclusion
,
besides
the problem of pollution and resulting health concerns, the movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to countryside proves to benefit more by creating job opportunities for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
residents
and improving their living standards.
However
, I believe that pollution issue can
be addressed
by implementing legislation by the authorities regarding the location of the factories and disposal of waste.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some People Think That It Would Be Better For Large Companies and Industries To Move To Regional Areas Outside Urban Centers. Do you think the advantages outweigh disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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