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Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. v. 1
There are a lot of governments that give financial support to poor people in order to reduce the scarcity, some people believe that it is a great choice, however, in my opinion, it might improve the shortage, since who receive it do not try to change their lives and get better options in the future. It depends on which type of support it is, for how long time, who is helped and others situations. The financial help from the government to who need it without further education will not be positive in the long term. Proof of this, there is a social program in Brazil called “Bolsa família”, since 2000, which should help only families with kids in the zone of poverty or below it. Following it, a lot of people do not apply for jobs or try to get a better job because they do not want to lose this financial assistance, what in long time contribute to maintain the poverty. Undoubtedly, this project helps a lot of Brazilians; also provide opportunities for many families to improve their life’s quality. Even though, these benefited families do not receive instruction and information to increase their educational status. They know that they will receive it for a long time, so they do not even try to improve their capacity and efficiency. To sum up, the financial help from the government can improve the scarcity because the helped people might not try to improve their educational skills and probably they will not try to get a better job. Indeed, if the government not incentivize the education and the improvement of skills, the results of this aid tend to be negative.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
that give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the scarcity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it is a great choice,
however
, in my opinion, it might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the shortage, since
Did you mean "whom"?
who
receive it do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
better options in the future. It depends on which type of support it is, for how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time, who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
situations.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to who need it without
further
education will not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
term. Proof of this, there is a social program in Brazil called “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bolsa
Possible spelling mistake found.
família
”, since 2000, which should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
families with kids in the zone of poverty or below it. Following it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not apply for jobs or try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not want to lose this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance, what in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time contribute to maintain the poverty.

Undoubtedly
, this project
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
Brazilians;
also
provide opportunities for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their life’s quality.
Even though
, these benefited families do not receive instruction and information to increase their educational status. They know that they will receive it for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they do not even try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their capacity and efficiency.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the scarcity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their educational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
probably
they will not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job.
Indeed
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
not incentivize the education and the improvement of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, the results of this aid tend to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Providing financial aid to the poor can increase poverty. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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