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Describe an indoor game that you enjoyed as a child. You should say- what the game was- where you played it- who played this game with you- and why you liked it v.1

Describe an indoor game that you enjoyed as a child. You should say- what the game was- where you played it- who played this game with you- and why you liked it v. 1
Transportation is becoming an increasingly important factor of our day to day life. With the growing need for a more convenient means of getting from one place to another, the most prevalent and often used means of transport are that of trains and roads. This is especially true for intercity travel. With this, comes a dilemma of whether to invest more in roads or trains. With both having an equal amount of advantages and disadvantages. I personally believe this decision should be made after taking into account the geographical conditions of a particular area and what the citizens personally prefer. It is understandable if people think a government should invest more in railways than roads. This would actually turn out to be beneficial for more urban and densely populated areas. Transportation of goods will be much easier as it would provide access to more remote parts of the country. A single goods train would be able to transport tonnes of crops, goods or oil. Also, the advantage of having a well established local metro in a city cuts down on the traffic congestion during peak hours. Major metropolitans of the world such as Singapore are very good examples of having a well established metro. On the contrary, roads are a very important investment as well. For rocky and hilly areas, a road is a much safer and cheaper alternative as a train cannot make extremely sharp bends the way a motor vehicle can. In swampy regions, building a railway track would mean unreasonable costs. Taking into consideration the urban train system itself, a train system is not as easily accessible as a road. A train can get you into a particular area, but additional transportation may be required depending on the exact place where you need to go. In conclusion, I think investment on any particular transportation system would require a good survey spanning multiple factors such as a geographical area, personal preference etc. Both roads and rails have their own advantages and disadvantages when it comes down. Both require an equal amount of attention with neither falling short of the other.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Transportation
is becoming an
increasingly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor of our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life. With the growing need for a more convenient means of getting from one place to another, the most prevalent and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
means of transport are that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This is
especially
true for intercity travel. With this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
a dilemma of whether to invest more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
trains
. With both having an equal amount of advantages and disadvantages. I
personally
believe this decision should
be made
after taking into account the geographical conditions of a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
and what the citizens
personally
prefer.

It is understandable if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should invest more in railways than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. This would actually turn out to be beneficial for more urban and
densely
populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Transportation
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
will be much easier
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
it would provide access to more remote parts of the country. A single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
would be able to transport tonnes of crops,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
or oil.
Also
, the advantage of having a well established local metro in a city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cuts
down on the traffic congestion during peak hours. Major metropolitans of the world such as Singapore are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
examples of having a well established metro.

On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
investment
as well
. For rocky and hilly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
is a much safer and cheaper alternative as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
extremely
sharp bends the way a motor vehicle can. In swampy regions, building a railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
would mean unreasonable costs. Taking into consideration the urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
system itself, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
system is not as
easily
accessible as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
train
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
you into a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
may
be required
depending on the exact place where you need to go.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
investment on any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
system would require a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
survey spanning multiple factors such as a geographical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
, personal preference etc. Both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
and rails have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down. Both require an equal amount of attention with neither falling short of the other.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe an indoor game that you enjoyed as a child. You should say- what the game was- where you played it- who played this game with you- and why you liked it v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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