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Precautions is better than cure. researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. To what extent do you agree? v.1

Precautions is better than cure. researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. v. 1
It is thought by some people that precaution methods are cheaper than having to cure someone from a certain sickness. However, while I believe that specific measures have a positive impact on a body, I also agree that they can be damaging to someone's well-being if used in an extreme way. It is a common fact that to maintain a healthy state of mind and body, individuals should be careful regarding several aspects in their daily routine. In other words, having good habits such as, morning walks and eating vegetables more often will surely decrease the chances of getting different maladies namely, cardiovascular diseases and diabetes. For instance, a recent statistics published in Dr. Oshawa magazine showed that people who are engaged in physical activity for three times per week, have less medical problems than those living a sedentary lifestyle. Therefore, people are encouraged to have and maintain good habits to decrease the chances of sickness. On the other hand, getting obsessed about having a good health may lead to some drawbacks. To put it differently, some individuals don't moderate their lifestyle, where they believe that working out excessively, or having only healthy food will guarantee a perfect physique. As a result, the body collapse due to the imbalance of nutrition or the exhaustion of the organs. One clear example, is the breakdown of Christiano Ronaldo after the attempt of getting a healthy body by only having specific nutrition and working out. Hence, having a balance in both food intake and exercises is also a necessity to prevent a negative impact. In conclusion, it is surely beneficial to have a healthy diet and lifestyle, Nevertheless, if precautions are not used correctly, it can backfire on someone's health.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that precaution methods are cheaper than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
to
The usual collocation for "cure" is "of" not "someone". Did you mean "cure someone of"?
cure someone from
a certain sickness.
However
, while I believe that specific measures have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, I
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that they can be damaging to someone's well-being if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
Consider replacing "in an extreme way" with the adverb for "extreme"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an extreme way
.

It is a common fact that to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
state of mind and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, individuals should be careful regarding several aspects in their daily routine.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits such as, morning walks and eating vegetables more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
will
surely
decrease the chances of getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
maladies
namely
, cardiovascular diseases and diabetes.
For instance
, a recent statistics published in Dr. Oshawa magazine
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are engaged
in physical activity for three times per week, have less medical problems than those living a sedentary lifestyle.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are encouraged
to have and maintain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
habits to decrease the chances of sickness.

On the other hand
, getting obsessed about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. To put it
differently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals don't moderate their lifestyle, where they believe that working out
excessively
, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
food will guarantee a perfect physique.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
collapse due to the imbalance of nutrition or the exhaustion of the organs. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, is the breakdown of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Christiano
Ronaldo after the attempt of getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
specific nutrition and working out.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a balance in both food intake and exercises is
also
a necessity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

In conclusion
, it is
surely
beneficial to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet and lifestyle,
Nevertheless
, if precautions are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
correctly
, it can backfire on someone's health.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Precautions is better than cure. researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventive measure. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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