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Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. v. 2
Enormously popular sport occasions have been operated for years like World Cup, Olympic, … Many people believe that international sport competition will solves the conflict between countries in an unharmful way. In my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion and in this essay, I will express the ideas of mine. Firstly, connecting relationship between global citizens is a positive that can’t be unseen. For example, although the political relation of North Korean and South Korean have been in an alert for many decades, but by sport occasion like Asiad or Olympic, athletes of two countries still compete with all effort and sport spirit. Not only athletes are only one that leaving behind all politic status, but also the people of two countries, with the spirit and the love for the national team, have a chance to connect to each other, making the world closer and closer. Secondly, the government in all countries can transfer the political conflict into the rival between their national sport team. For instance, every country would make the best for their athletes to get a gold medal in Olympic, proving the human in their nation that they have strength, agility, endurance in both mind and physic. Therefore, this will defines the position of their country not only in economy, military but also in sport. This is the way that bring the international tension to a lower level and safer than using army and weapon. In concluding, I strongly confirm the idea that international sporting events are vital on pulling the political tension and emotions down without the use of violent.
Enormously
popular
sport
occasions have
been operated
for years like World Cup, Olympic, …
Many
people
believe that international
sport
competition will
solves
the conflict between
countries
in an unharmful way
. In my point of view, I
totally
agree
with this opinion and in this essay, I will express the
ideas
of mine.

Firstly
, connecting relationship between global citizens is a
positive
that can’t be unseen.
For example
, although the political relation of North Korean and South Korean have been in an alert for
many
decades,
but
by
sport
occasion like
Asiad
or Olympic, athletes of two
countries
still
compete with all effort and
sport
spirit. Not
only
athletes are
only
one that leaving behind all politic status,
but
also
the
people
of two
countries
, with the spirit and the
love
for the national team, have a chance to connect to each other, making the world closer and closer.

Secondly
, the
government
in all
countries
can transfer the political conflict into the rival between their national
sport
team.
For instance
, every
country
would
make
the best for their athletes to
get
a gold medal in Olympic, proving the human in their nation that they have strength, agility, endurance in both mind and physic.
Therefore
, this will defines the position of their
country
not
only
in economy, military
but
also
in
sport
. This is the way that bring the international tension to a lower level and safer than using army and weapon.

In concluding, I
strongly
confirm the
idea
that international sporting
events
are vital on pulling the political tension and emotions down without the
use
of violent.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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