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Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. v. 2
Enormously popular sport occasions have been operated for years like World Cup, Olympic, … Many people believe that international sport competition will solves the conflict between countries in an unharmful way. In my point of view, I totally agree with this opinion and in this essay, I will express the ideas of mine. Firstly, connecting relationship between global citizens is a positive that can’t be unseen. For example, although the political relation of North Korean and South Korean have been in an alert for many decades, but by sport occasion like Asiad or Olympic, athletes of two countries still compete with all effort and sport spirit. Not only athletes are only one that leaving behind all politic status, but also the people of two countries, with the spirit and the love for the national team, have a chance to connect to each other, making the world closer and closer. Secondly, the government in all countries can transfer the political conflict into the rival between their national sport team. For instance, every country would make the best for their athletes to get a gold medal in Olympic, proving the human in their nation that they have strength, agility, endurance in both mind and physic. Therefore, this will defines the position of their country not only in economy, military but also in sport. This is the way that bring the international tension to a lower level and safer than using army and weapon. In concluding, I strongly confirm the idea that international sporting events are vital on pulling the political tension and emotions down without the use of violent.
Enormously
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
occasions have
been operated
for years like World Cup, Olympic, …
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
competition will
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "solve"
solves
the conflict between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
Consider replacing "in an unharmful way" with the adverb for "unharmful"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unharmful way
. In my point of view, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion and in this essay, I will express the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
of mine.

Firstly
, connecting relationship between global citizens is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
that can’t be unseen.
For example
, although the political relation of North Korean and South Korean have been in an alert for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
decades,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
occasion like
Possible spelling mistake found.
Asiad
or Olympic, athletes of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
compete with all effort and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
spirit. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
athletes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one that leaving behind all politic status,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, with the spirit and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
for the national team, have a chance to connect to each other, making the world closer and closer.

Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can transfer the political conflict into the rival between their national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
team.
For instance
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best for their athletes to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a gold medal in Olympic, proving the human in their nation that they have strength, agility, endurance in both mind and physic.
Therefore
, this will defines the position of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in economy, military
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
. This is the way that bring the international tension to a lower level and safer than using army and weapon.

In concluding, I
strongly
confirm the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that international sporting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
are vital on pulling the political tension and emotions down without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of violent.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Popular event like football WorldCup and others international sporting occasions are essential in easing international tensions and releasing patriotic emotion in a safe way. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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