Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life To what extent do you agree with this view What other things can people do in order to have a satisfying working life v.2

Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life 2
People have different views on the issue of whether choosing a job early in life would lead to more job satisfaction or not. To a certain extent I believe that finding a career after fulfilling the higher education would be beneficial for fellows in different ways; however, I also argue that committing to a job at early age would bring advantages for individuals as well. It is true that a group of people who start their career when they were young could access valuable success, prosperity and achievements in their business career. A salient example of this is Bill Gates who is the owner of Microsoft Company and he dropped out of the University of Harvard when he was 19 years old in order to run his own business. This example shows that not only education but also the innate talent, perseverance and a potent business plan are the keys to successful business. Furthermore, this group of people get to know the business market in a better way since they have more experience. Moreover, it is feasible for them to save more money and consequently accessing to better facilities in life and expanding their work environment would be probable. On the other hand, the importance of academic education should not be neglected. Those people who continue their education have better job opportunities and they can choose their job based on their interest, talent and education. Take for example engineering, medical cares and many other jobs that are lucrative with satisfying incomes and better positions in society. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having been published in Times magazine, indicates that individuals with higher academic education are more satisfied with their job. In order to feel fulfil professionally, people should have more job commitments to reach their aim, being ambitious and persevere to access better positions and consequently leading a happier life. In conclusion, although education is important in finding an appropriate job, the vocational training and experience are the key factors in achieving the job prosperity at early age. I believe that not only the income but also the interest and motivation are the crucial factors in feeling satisfied at work.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views on the issue of whether choosing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
early in life would lead to more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction or not. To a certain extent I believe that finding a career after fulfilling the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
would be beneficial for fellows in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways;
however
, I
also
argue that committing to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
at early age would bring advantages for individuals
as well
.

It is true that a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their career when they were young could access valuable success, prosperity and achievements in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
career. A salient example of this is Bill Gates who is the owner of Microsoft
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Company and
he dropped out of the University of Harvard when he was 19 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in order to run his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. This example
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the innate talent, perseverance and a potent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
plan are the keys to successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
Furthermore
, this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
market in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
way since they have more experience.
Moreover
, it is feasible for them to save more money and
consequently
accessing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
facilities in life and expanding their work environment would be probable.

On the other hand
, the importance of academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
should not
be neglected
. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
opportunities and
they can choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
based on their interest, talent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Take
for example
engineering, medical cares and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are lucrative with satisfying incomes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
positions in society. To support my claim, I can refer to an article having
been published
in Times magazine, indicates that individuals with higher academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are more satisfied with their job.

In order to feel fulfil
professionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
commitments to reach their aim, being ambitious and persevere to access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
positions and
consequently
leading a happier life.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in finding an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, the vocational training and experience are the key factors in achieving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prosperity at early age. I believe that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the interest and motivation are the crucial factors in feeling satisfied at work.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it This they argue leads to a more satisfying working life 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
365 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts