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Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. v.1

Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. v. 1
The two plans illustrate the map of a health centre in the year 2005 and also the present day of the same place after the changes are made. Firstly, in 2005, this centre has 12 spaces car parking. However, on entering this centre, on the first left there was a door to the CR3 room and adjacent to this room was an office. Similarly, on the right side, the first door was led to CR1 room and besides this room there was a CR2 room. Moreover, after entering on both the sides there are seats for people to sit and on the other end there was a reception desk. Furthermore, on the backside of the reception desk and CR2 room there was a physiotherapy room. Finally, at the backside of the building there is a big garden area. On the other hand, after renovation, the centre has many new rooms like the car parking spaces has been increased to 30. However, the entrance is shifted to the south-west region and after entering the building there is a children's play area on the right side and the reception desk on the left side. Moreover, adjacent to the reception there is an office and next to this is the minor operations room, without any changes to the position of physiotherapy room. Furthermore, the rooms CR1, CR2, CR3 and CR4 are adjacent to each other. Finally, the seating arrangements are situated in the middle area and the garden is located on the backside of the building.
The two plans illustrate the map of a health
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
in the year 2005 and
also
the present day of the same place after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
are made
.

Firstly
, in 2005, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
has 12 spaces car parking.
However
, on entering this
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, on the
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
there was a door to the CR3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and adjacent to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
was an office.
Similarly
, on the right side, the
first
door
was led
to CR1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and
besides
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
there was a CR2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
Moreover
, after entering on both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sides
there are seats for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to sit and on the other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
there was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
desk.
Furthermore
, on the backside of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
desk and CR2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
there was a physiotherapy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
Finally
, at the backside of the building there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
garden area.

On the other hand
, after renovation, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
like the car parking spaces has
been increased
to 30.
However
, the entrance
is shifted
to the south-west region and after entering the building
Did you mean "there are a children"?
there is a children
's play area on the right side and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
desk on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
side.
Moreover
, adjacent to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reception
there is an office and
next
to this is the minor operations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
, without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to the position of physiotherapy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
CR1, CR2, CR3 and CR4 are adjacent to each other.
Finally
, the seating arrangements
are situated
in the middle area and the garden
is located
on the backside of the building.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Plan A below shows a health centre in 2005. Plan B shows the same place in the present day. v. 1

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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