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Some people think that museums (and galleries) should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purerly entering place. v.1

Some people think that museums (and galleries) should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purerly entering place. v. 1
Normally, museums are considered to have a vital function in serving their public for educational purpose, yet many museum goers also aim to seek an entertainment experience, which, I believe, is nearly impossible to end up with a 'purely entertaining' experience. There is no doubt that a primary role of museums is to educate the public. They provide tangible objects and collections that can be genuinely seen and touched by students. This provides excellent field trips for extensions of a classroom as well as enhancing their curriculum. If they were changed to be entertaining-oriented to attract more visitors, then the quality of art or a history would probably be degraded or distorted, hence weakening the function of educating. Eventually, museums would be nothing less like theme parks, aiming to profits generating rather than benefiting the public. However, there is also another voice claiming that museums should be interesting and playful, providing a relaxing place for people to have fun in their leisure time. Once they are solely built for learning without even a little of enjoyment, they would lose popularity and even financial support due to failing to attract enough visitors. My view is that education and entertainment don't necessarily have to be mutually exclusive motivations for coming to the museum, but they can be integrated to achieve both aims. In fact, from our own school experience, we are more likely to be motivated to explore if content is truly entertaining, and meanwhile, if we can gain something meaningful through recreation, then it's a win-win situation. Nevertheless, at their core, museums are educational institutions, though by a unique and interesting way which differs from a traditional one in schools.
Normally
,
museums
are considered
to have a vital function in serving their public for educational purpose,
yet
many
museum
goers
also
aim to seek an entertainment experience, which, I believe, is
nearly
impossible to
end
up with a '
purely
entertaining' experience.

There is no doubt that a primary role of
museums
is to educate the public. They provide tangible objects and collections that can be
genuinely
seen
and touched by students. This provides excellent field trips for extensions of a classroom
as well
as enhancing their curriculum. If they were
changed
to be entertaining-oriented to attract more visitors, then the quality of art or a history would
probably
be degraded
or distorted,
hence
weakening the function of educating.
Eventually
,
museums
would be nothing less like theme parks, aiming to
profits
generating
rather
than benefiting the public.

However
, there is
also
another voice claiming that
museums
should be interesting and playful, providing a relaxing place for
people
to have fun in their leisure time. Once they are
solely
built for learning without even a
little
of enjoyment, they would lose popularity and even financial support due to failing to attract
enough
visitors.

My view is that education and entertainment don't
necessarily
have to
be
mutually
exclusive motivations for coming to the
museum
,
but
they can
be integrated
to achieve both aims. In fact, from our
own
school experience, we are more likely to
be motivated
to explore if content is
truly
entertaining, and meanwhile, if we can gain something meaningful through recreation, then it's a win-win situation.

Nevertheless
, at their core,
museums
are educational institutions, though by a unique and interesting way which differs from a traditional one in schools.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people think that museums (and galleries) should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purerly entering place. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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