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Your university is planning to forbid students from using their personal computers in class. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this regulation? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v.1

Your university is planning to forbid students from using their personal computers in class. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this regulation? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1
It is true that the demand of fresh water is increasing in every corner of the world and will increase further in the future. This is becoming a world-wide problem. In this essay I will state causes of this and will provide solutions to encounter it in the following paragraphs. To embark with, due to increase in population and climate change has led to the problem of a shortage of drinking water. Usage and consumption of water have been increasing exponentially from the past. As more and more people are adding to the population, ground water levels are decreasing. Secondly, excessive cutting of trees and burning forests for development has disturbed eco-logical balance. For example, in Delhi, outskirts are being developed by clearing forest to accommodate the increasing population. As a result, rainfall is getting affected. Talking about solutions of above causes, firstly, people needs to be taught the importance of fresh water, So that they won't waste it. This awareness will make them use water wisely. Secondly, the government should make laws to protect forests in order to maintain eco-logical balance. Following that people should opt a habit of saving rain water as it is the only option to have reserves of water for those countries, whose geographical location are away from the sea. To illustrate, in Delhi, the government has alarmed people of water scarcity and told them for water harvesting. To conclude, increasing demand of fresh water is mainly due to overpopulation and human activities on forests. However, people and the governments can jointly take the above measures to meet the demand of fresh water
It is true that the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
in every corner of the world and will increase
further
in the future. This is becoming a world-wide problem. In this essay I will state causes of this and will provide solutions to encounter it in the following paragraphs.

To embark with, due to increase in population and climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
has led to the problem of a shortage of drinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
. Usage and consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
exponentially
from the past. As more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are adding to the population, ground
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
levels are decreasing.
Secondly
, excessive cutting of trees and burning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
for development has disturbed
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-logical
balance.
For example
, in Delhi, outskirts are
being developed
by clearing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
to accommodate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
population.
As a result
, rainfall is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.

Talking about solutions of above causes,
firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
needs
to
be taught
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they won't waste it. This awareness will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
wisely
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
laws to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
in order to maintain
Possible spelling mistake found.
eco-logical
balance. Following that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should opt a habit of saving rain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
as it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option to have reserves of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for those countries, whose geographical location are away from the sea. To illustrate, in Delhi, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has alarmed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
scarcity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
them for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
harvesting.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increasing
demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is
mainly
due to overpopulation and human activities on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forests
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
can
jointly
take the above measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your university is planning to forbid students from using their personal computers in class. What is your opinion and why? What are the advantages and disadvantages of this regulation? Include reasons and examples to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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