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people's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

people's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factor. v. 2
Purchase is a favourite topic since the inception of the business. It is believed by many that it is subjective to one’s age rather than anything else. I completely agree with this notion and this essay will demonstrate the reasons for the same. One primary reason for this is the experience. In other words, people tend to learn from their past mistakes, and prevent making them in the future. This is true with reference to the purchase patterns as well, the more a person ages the less they tend to spend. In any family, for instance, parents are more sceptical about expenditure compared to the children, this is because with the progress in the time older generations learn the importance of finances. Certainly, though the market contains overwhelming products, the purchasing habits are completely dependent upon the demographics. Other factors such as passion are merely proportional to purchasing. That is to say, there are people who are enthusiastic irrespective of age, but only a few. Moreover, they belong mostly to the luxury class, such as celebrities, politics and sports. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by economic times reported that, the ratio of spending habits in online and offline stores is 1: 10 when comparing senior and junior citizens. Therefore, even if the higher age groups shop their numbers are skewed. To conclude, yes, to shop is inversely proportional to the age. In general, the greater the age, lesser the tendency to shell out money. Although there are purchases from older age groups, they are quite a few transactions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Purchase
is a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
topic since the inception of the business. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that it is subjective to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
rather
than anything else. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion and this essay will demonstrate the reasons for the same.

One primary reason for this is the experience.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to learn from their past mistakes, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
making them in the future. This is true with reference to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
patterns
as well
, the more a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
the less they tend to spend. In any family,
for instance
, parents are more
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about expenditure compared to the children, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
with the progress in the time older generations learn the importance of finances.
Certainly
, though the market contains overwhelming products, the purchasing habits are completely dependent upon the demographics.

Other factors such as passion are
merely
proportional to purchasing.
That is
to say, there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are enthusiastic irrespective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few.
Moreover
, they belong
mostly
to the luxury
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, such as celebrities, politics and sports. To illustrate, a recent survey conducted by economic times reported that, the ratio of spending habits in online and offline stores is 1: 10 when comparing senior and junior citizens.
Therefore
, even if the higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups shop their numbers
are skewed
.

To conclude
, yes, to shop is
inversely
proportional to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
.
In general
, the greater the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, lesser the tendency to shell out money. Although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
from older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups, they are quite a few transactions.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay people's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than any other factor. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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