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In many countries the governement spends a lot of money on the internet network. Some people believe it isn't a right decision. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

In many countries the governement spends a lot of money on the internet network. Some people believe it isn't a right decision. v. 2
In an age of increasingly developing informatization, governments are willing to spend on a large scale for internet network. Contribution to internet supply causes national flourishment in the area of tourism and economy. Although this phenomenon may be possible to the insufficient budget of other factors, I completely agree that allocating money to internet access is the best option to face with the Fourth industrial revolution. Some people say that exhausting too much money on internet infrastructure is not a reasonable decision. In addition to this factor, there are many urgent sectors that citizens have undergone. For example, when it comes to employment, most of the graduates couldn' t get a job though they earn a prestigious university certification. Therefore, the policy-makers should turn their eyes to the acute problem. However, it is possible to fall behind than any other countries. That is because many nations are pumping into internet service to attract foreign travelers. For instance, the survey said that South Korea is the fastest internet speed in the world. Surely, it may have an important role in the good impression to holidaymakers. Consequently, this advantage should be utilized to attract more tourists. To do so, IT development has to be proceded. For the reason mentioned above, I absolutely agree with the opinion that most of the national budget should be consumed for computer market, because this helps economy t be increased, especially tourism sector. Furthermore, the more IT has grown, the better reputation our country may get.
In an age of
increasingly
developing informatization,
governments
are willing to spend on a large scale for internet network. Contribution to internet supply causes national
flourishment
in the area of tourism and economy. Although this phenomenon may be possible to the insufficient budget of other factors, I completely
agree
that allocating money to internet access is the best option to face with the Fourth industrial revolution.

Some
people
say that exhausting too much money on internet infrastructure is not a reasonable decision.
In addition
to this factor, there are
many
urgent sectors that citizens have undergone.
For example
, when it
comes
to employment, most of the graduates
couldn&
#039; t
get
a job though they earn a prestigious university certification.
Therefore
, the policy-makers should turn their eyes to the acute problem.

However
, it is possible to fall
behind
than any other countries.
That is
because
many
nations are pumping into internet service to attract foreign travelers.
For instance
, the survey said that South Korea is the fastest internet speed in the world.
Surely
, it may have an
important
role in the
good
impression to holidaymakers.
Consequently
, this advantage should
be utilized
to attract more tourists. To do
so
, IT development
has to
be
proceded
.

For the reason mentioned above, I
absolutely
agree
with the opinion that most of the national budget should
be consumed
for computer market,
because
this
helps
economy t
be increased
,
especially
tourism sector.
Furthermore
, the more IT has grown, the better reputation our country may
get
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries the governement spends a lot of money on the internet network. Some people believe it isn't a right decision. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
249 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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