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If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why? v.3

If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why? v. 3
Our country has a number of beautiful and spectacular places to visit. Some of them are historical and man-made, which are mainly located in the center of Iran, while others are natural and such as caves. From my view point, Tabriz’s Bazaar is one of these places that I recommend tourists to see it. First, I live in a big country, namely Iran, which is full of historical places with great antiquity that contain a rich culture. One of these places is Bazaar of Tabriz. This is the oldest and the biggest covered Bazaar in Iran and even in the Middle East. Its antiquity dates back to the dynasty of Gajar and it is made up of gypsum, mortar, and red bricks. It has a large number of shops and stores such as shoes stores, candy stores, carpet stores, and other businesses. Interestingly, it is now time to say for visitors the best hand-woven carpets can be found in Tabriz’s Bazaar with different sizes and shapes. Furthermore, there are a couple of restaurants over there that offer traditional foods to the tourists. I think that eating traditional foods may be the unforgettable moments of everyone’s life that come from visiting Bazaar. Additionally, this place was recorded in the list of UNESCO organization as one of the historical place in Iran. Apart from its architecture, this place provides new information about the local culture of Tabriz city to visitors. Visitors can easily see how the owners of stores or businesses behave with customers or what clothes they wear in different occasions. For example, I remember that when I went on shopping in Bazaar nearly two years ago, I came across visitor who was Italian. Foreigner started speaking with me why all people or owner of shops worn black clothes. I responded to him because of honoring our religion ritual. So, by seeing it tourists got familiar with our culture. Finally, I highly recommend foreigners to visit Bazaar of Tabriz, because it gives a chance for them to increase their knowledge of Iran’s culture and also to have a memorable events in their mind.
Our country has a number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
and spectacular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
to visit.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them are historical and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-made, which are
mainly
located in the center of Iran, while others are natural and such as caves. From my view point, Tabriz’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
is one of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that I recommend tourists to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it.

First
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
country,
namely
Iran, which is full of historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
with great antiquity that contain a rich culture. One of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
of Tabriz. This is the oldest and the biggest covered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
in Iran and even in the Middle East. Its antiquity dates back to the dynasty of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Gajar
and it
is made
up of gypsum, mortar, and red bricks. It has
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
shops and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
such as shoes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, candy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, carpet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
, and other businesses.
Interestingly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
time to say for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
the best hand-woven carpets can
be found
in Tabriz’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sizes and shapes.
Furthermore
, there are a couple of restaurants over there that offer traditional foods to the tourists. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that eating traditional foods may be the unforgettable moments of everyone’s life that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from visiting Bazaar.

Additionally
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
was recorded
in the list of UNESCO organization as one of the historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
in Iran. Apart from its architecture, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
provides new information about the local culture of Tabriz city to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Visitors
can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how the owners of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stores
or businesses behave with customers or what clothes they wear in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occasions.
For example
, I remember that when I went on shopping in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
nearly
two years ago, I came across
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitor
who was Italian. Foreigner
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
speaking with me why all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
or owner of shops worn black clothes. I responded to him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of honoring our religion ritual.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, by seeing it tourists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
familiar with our culture.

Finally
, I
highly
recommend foreigners to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Bazaar
of Tabriz,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it gives a chance for them to increase their knowledge of Iran’s culture and
also
to have a memorable
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "event"?
events
in their mind.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay If friends from another country were going to spend time in your country, what city or place would you suggest they visit? Using details and examples, explain why? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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