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People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. To what extent do you feel that this is an accurate and important prediction? v.2

People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. v. 2
In the modern times, social media become the lifeline of the people across globe. Some people believe that these platforms provide easy ways to be inconsistent touch with the friends and family. Although, there is a group of people, which felt that social media addiction is spoiling the personal fitness and the intensity of the relations. In my opinion, balance between the ways of socializing should be maintained as both social applications on the internet and meeting the people in person have their own necessities. This essay will talk about both the ways in details and reach to a conclusion. Social media enable an individual's connection to the people across the globe which helps him to excel in his career by introducing his skills and queries to the experts in same field. It's become feasible to be in touch with school friends and family members across countries. The internet makes the entire world as approachable as next door grocery store, where one can talk to another person in no time. This helps people to understand each other culture and bring the cohesiveness among them. Although, a person should avoid the excessive usage of social media, as addiction of it has a lot of side effects on the personal relations. For example, Because of parent's too much involvement with these platforms, lot of kids are not getting the parents' attention which impact their emotional growth. This also reduces the person's involvement with social activities which again have a negative effect on the community development. It is equally important to meet the people in office and society as these are the ones, who will be immediately available in an hour of need. To sum up, human being is a social animal and it is mandatory to be social for humanity establishment on the earth. Socializing on an internet is important as it is not feasible to meet all friends and family members in person, at the same time it is also required to meet a person and contribute towards the development of the local community.
In the modern times,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
become the lifeline of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across globe.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that these platforms provide easy ways to be inconsistent touch with the friends and family. Although, there is a group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which felt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
addiction is spoiling the personal fitness and the intensity of the relations. In my opinion, balance between the ways of socializing should
be maintained
as both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
applications on the internet and meeting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
necessities. This essay will talk about both the ways in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and reach to a conclusion.

Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
enable an individual's connection to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
him to excel in his career by introducing his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and queries to the experts in same field. It's become feasible to be in touch with school friends and family members across countries. The internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the entire world as approachable as
next
door grocery store, where one can talk to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in no time. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand each other culture and bring the cohesiveness among them.

Although, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should avoid the excessive usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, as addiction of it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
side effects on the personal relations.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of parent's too much involvement with these platforms, lot of kids are not getting the parents' attention which impact their emotional growth. This
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the person's involvement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities which again have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the community development. It is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in office and society as these are the ones, who will be immediately available in an hour of need.

To sum up, human being is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
animal and it is mandatory to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
for humanity establishment on the earth. Socializing on an internet is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as it is not feasible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
all friends and family members in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, at the same time it is
also
required to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
and contribute towards the development of the local community.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People who do not use social media networks will always fall behind in career development opportunities. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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