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People want to immigrate to rich countries. What are the reasons? Is this positive or negative? v.1

People want to immigrate to rich countries. What are the reasons? Is this positive or negative? v. 1
In this contemporary era, developing nations are using immigration as a tool to attract talented and intellectual minds for boosting their social economic growth. A plethora of individuals wish to relocate to prosperous countries in order to attain a secure future. As per my opinion, it is a great opportunity for both, the country and the individual moving there. In this essay, I will explain the causes and benefits of immigration. To begin with, every person aims to increase their standard of living and relocation to a wealthier nation is the best possible way through which one can achieve this dream. There is no doubt to say that developed nations provide better health care and educational services and an individual feels a sense of security for their future generations to come. Moreover, with the advancement in the educational sector, young students secure better jobs in these nations. For instance, Canada has witnessed a skyrocketing demand of permanent resident visas due to its citizen friendly laws and regulations. Furthermore, there are a numerous benefits for the host nation as well. Immigration helps to increase the cultural diversity of a place which helps to improve their strategic ties with other neighbouring countries. Additionally, countries prefer to import skilful and young experts who work for the betterment of society which aids the development of the nation as a whole in the form of increase in GDP growth. To recapitulate, in this contemporary era, a vast number of people want to move to a better place to have a secured future for themselves and their generations to come. It is worthwhile to mention that this is beneficial for the individual and the country as well.
In this contemporary era, developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are using immigration as a tool to attract talented and intellectual minds for boosting their social economic growth. A plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
wish to relocate to prosperous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to attain a secure future. As per my opinion, it is a great opportunity for both, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
moving there. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the causes and benefits of immigration.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every person aims to increase their standard of living and relocation to a wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
is the best possible way through which one can achieve this dream. There is no doubt to say that developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
provide better health care and educational services and an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
feels a sense of security for their future generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
Moreover
, with the advancement in the educational sector, young students secure better jobs in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For instance
, Canada has witnessed a skyrocketing demand of permanent resident visas due to its citizen friendly laws and regulations.

Furthermore
, there are a numerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "benefit"?
benefits
for the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as well
. Immigration
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to increase the cultural diversity of a place which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their strategic ties with other
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbouring' is British English.
neighbouring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
prefer to import
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
and young experts who work for the betterment of society which aids the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
as a whole in the form of increase in GDP growth.

To recapitulate, in this contemporary era, a vast number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to a better place to have a secured future for themselves and their generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. It is worthwhile to mention that this is beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
as well
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People want to immigrate to rich countries. What are the reasons? Is this positive or negative? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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