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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.8

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 8
It is believed that people will achieve their goals and have a successful career if they work hard, and luck has no effect on it. To a certain point, I would agree that some people are succeeded due to their diligent and hard working cultures, but I do believe that luck also plays an important part in people's life. On the one hand, it is true people could get their highest achievement if they work hard and diligently. People who have great determination, integrity and positive thinking attitudes would have a different point of view from the ordinary workers. And with their outstanding performances, it is obvious that they will generate a more productive works and extraordinary results. These successful people believe that there are not other factors that affected their success except for the hard-working culture. On the other hand, although some people might not believe in luck, others feel that luck has affected their performances and achievements. There are people who have standard working performances and could not give significant contributions to their companies, but they are promoted by their superior. In another case, there are several salesmen who do not approach their potential customer aggressively, but their sales performances are beyond the target. And for these groups of people, they are convinced that luck has truly affected their careers. In conclusion, some people believe that the only way to success is through hard work and luck has nothing to do with it. To a certain extent, I would agree with the statement, but some people are also succeeded to the factor of luck, therefore I think each people have their own way of life and we should not compare each individual.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will achieve their goals and have a successful career if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, and luck has no effect on it. To a certain point, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are succeeded
due to their diligent and
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
cultures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that luck
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life.

On the one hand, it is true
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their highest achievement if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and
diligently
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who have great determination, integrity and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thinking attitudes would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
point of view from the ordinary workers. And with their outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
, it is obvious that they will generate a more productive works and extraordinary results. These successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that there are not other factors that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
except for
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working culture.

On the other hand
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
in luck, others feel that luck has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
and achievements. There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have standard working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
and could not give significant contributions to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
are promoted
by their superior. In another case, there are several salesmen who do not approach their potential customer
aggressively
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their sales
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
performances
are beyond the target. And for these groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they
are convinced
that luck has
truly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
their careers.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to success is through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and luck has nothing to do with it. To a certain extent, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
also
succeeded to the factor of luck,
therefore
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
we should not compare each individual.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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