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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.1

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 1
Many people are successful in life, which can be explained not only by their hard work. In this essay, I am going to consider that luck is as important as the ability to dedicate our time and energy to work. We must acknowledge that without a deep understanding of what we do and how we do we can hardly achieve positive outcomes. There are millions of employees who do not go beyond their duties, not moving deeper to comprehend that the process is about. Consequently, they see only a visible side of the iceberg. They are quite satisfied being paid a decent salary and having some bonuses. Such people do not look for challenges; they treasure stability and are not ready for changes. They can spend a whole life doing one and the same work, even if it is extremely boring and irritating, On the other hand, there are absolutely different people who do not only dedicate all their time to work but comprehend all the stages, distinguish the bonds and even make efforts to improve these processes. Needless to say, it takes a lot of time and inner strength. These people are said to be "burning at work", as they cannot imagine their existence without it.   The job for them is not only a source of wealth but something they are fond and proud of. Undoubtedly luck plays an invaluable part in climbing a professional ladder. For example, I worked as a teacher of English in Ukraine. 5 years ago it was my first attempt to take part in the programme "Excellence in Teaching" held by the American Department of Education. Despite all my efforts, I was not able to go further than the semifinal. There were two opposite feelings struggling within- the desire to give up and the enormous intention to win. The most unbearable thing was that I could not figure out where I had made a mistake. The next year I filled in the same application forms and wrote exactly the same essay. To my amazement, I became a winner and was granted a scholarship at George Mason University, Virginia. I doubt it can be explained other factors than the luck. Overall, hard work cannot be underestimated. But only with luck a person can achieve recognisable success. We all should dedicate ourselves to our jobs and climb new summits.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are successful in life, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In this essay, I am going to consider that luck is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as the ability to dedicate our time and energy to work.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
acknowledge that without a deep understanding of what we do and how we do we can hardly achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes. There are millions of employees who do not go beyond their duties, not moving deeper to comprehend that the process is about.
Consequently
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a visible side of the iceberg. They are quite satisfied
being paid
a decent salary and having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
bonuses. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not look for challenges; they treasure stability and are not ready for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
. They can spend a whole life doing one and the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, even if it is
extremely
boring and irritating,

On the other hand
, there are
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
dedicate all their time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
comprehend all the stages, distinguish the bonds and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
these processes. Needless to say, it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
time and inner strength. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are said
to be
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
burning at work
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, as they cannot imagine their existence without it.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The job for them is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
a source of wealth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
something they are fond and proud of.

Undoubtedly
luck plays an invaluable part in climbing a professional ladder.
For example
, I worked as a teacher of English in Ukraine. 5 years ago it was my
first
attempt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Excellence in Teaching
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
held by the American Department of Education. Despite all my efforts, I was not able to go
further
than the semifinal. There were two opposite feelings struggling within- the desire to give up and the enormous intention to win. The most unbearable thing was that I could not figure out where I had made a mistake. The
next
year I filled in the same application forms and wrote exactly the same essay. To my amazement, I became a winner and
was granted
a scholarship at George Mason University, Virginia. I doubt it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
other factors than the luck.

Overall
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
cannot
be underestimated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
with luck a person can achieve
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognisable' is British English.
recognisable
success. We all should dedicate ourselves to our jobs and climb new summits.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
394 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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