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These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. v.4

These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. v. 4
Nowadays, many people migrate to other countries to work, and in many cases, they take their family members with them as well. There are some positive and negative things about this trend, but in my personal opinion it has more advantages than the disadvantages and the following essay will discuss them both in details. For a number of reasons, many people believe that working overseas and take their families bring a lot of benefits for them. Firstly, many people believe that by working overseas, they will earn higher incomes. As a consequence, their families' standard of living and economic condition will improve, especially for people who migrate from third world countries to advanced countries.   Secondly, some people are moving to another country due to in the new country, their children will get a better education. For instance, some people from Indonesia are migrating to Australia as permanent residences and work there due to they are hoping that their children could have the opportunity to study in world-class universities there. And lastly, working overseas will enrich and broaden the life experience of the workers and their families. They could have the chance to visit many great and historical places in the new country, learn a new language and make many new friends. Despite all the positive things about working overseas and bringing the family members, there are some negative things that people should notice. There is a chance of a culture shock for the family members, as there may be some traditions and customs that might not be fit with them. For example, many western people might not be accustomed to the culture of the Japanese people who will bend their head when they meet other people. And then, there might be some difficulties for the worker and the family members in adapting with the local foods. Many western people are not comfortable with the Asian foods due to most of them are using spices and chilli. In conclusion, it is true that numbers of people who are migrating overseas are increasing these days, and mostly they bring their families with them. Bringing family members to another country has its own positive and negative sides, but I believe that there are more benefits than the drawbacks, as long as we would learn to adjust and adapt to the new culture and environment.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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people
migrate to other
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countries
to work, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases, they take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
with them
as well
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things about this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my personal opinion it has more advantages than the disadvantages and the following essay will discuss them both in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

For a number of reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
and take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits for them.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
, they will earn higher incomes. As a consequence, their families' standard of living and economic condition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who migrate from third world
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countries
to advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Secondly
,
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some
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people
are moving to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to in the
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new
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country
, their children will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from Indonesia are migrating to Australia as permanent residences and work there due to they are hoping that their children could have the opportunity to study in world-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
universities there. And
lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
will enrich and broaden the life experience of the workers and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. They could have the chance to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great and historical places in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, learn a
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new
language and
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make
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many
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new
friends.

Despite all the
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positive
things about
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working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
and bringing the
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family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should notice. There is a chance of a culture shock for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, as there may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
traditions and customs that might not
be fit
with them.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might not
be accustomed
to the culture of the Japanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who will bend their head when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
other
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people
. And then, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties for the worker and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in adapting with the local foods.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not comfortable with the Asian foods due to most of them are using spices and
Possible spelling mistake. 'chilli' is British English.
chilli
.

In conclusion
, it is true that numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are migrating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overseas
are increasing these days, and
mostly
they bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
with them. Bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
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negative
sides,
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but
I believe that there are more benefits than the drawbacks, as long as we would learn to adjust and adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture and environment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay These days many people leave their country to work abroad and take their family with them. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
392 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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