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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.7

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 7
There has been a debate whether or not luck plays a part in success. Some people argued that hard work is the only thing that helps people to succeed, whereas others think that luck also contributes to success. Personally, I agree with the latter. Hard work is definitely crucial when it comes to success. Without any hard work, it is highly unlikely that someone would succeed. For instance, there might be a good opportunity for someone to establish a cyber-security company given the current demand on that field, but if he is unwilling to work hard on developing the firm, it might not flourish. In my opinion, success occurs when one is willing to commit to one thing, prepare for the right opportunity to come and snatch it when it arises. Steve Jobs would be a good example of this when he developed iPhones despite the popularity of other non-touch screen phones at the time. Thus, when touchscreen phones were finally in a boom, he was well-prepared and made good use of the opportunity. Nevertheless, I believe that luck is also needed to be accomplished. This is because one has to be in the right place at the right time. An example of this would be a person who has the ability and perseverance to develop a website similar to Google. While he might work really hard on it, if the person does not have any connection to the technology world, it is unlikely that his website would gain much attention. In conclusion, I think being hardworking is really important to be successful. Still, luck plays a role where having the right opportunity to the right person is also required for success. I do believe, however, that it is more important to keep working hard rather than simply waiting for luck to approach us.
There has been a debate
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
luck plays a part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to succeed, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that luck
also
contributes to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
Personally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the latter.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is definitely crucial when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Without any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is
highly
unlikely that someone would succeed.
For instance
, there might be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for someone to establish a cyber-security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
demand on that field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if he is unwilling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
on developing the firm, it might not flourish.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
occurs when one is willing to commit to one thing, prepare for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
and snatch it when it arises. Steve Jobs would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this when he developed iPhones despite the popularity of other non-touch screen phones at the time.
Thus
, when touchscreen phones were
finally
in a boom, he was well-prepared and made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the opportunity.

Nevertheless
, I believe that luck is
also
needed to
be accomplished
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
place at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
time. An example of this would be a person who has the ability and perseverance to develop a website similar to Google. While he might
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
really
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
on it, if the person does not have any connection to the technology world, it is unlikely that his website would gain much attention.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
being hardworking is
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be successful.
Still
, luck plays a role where having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
opportunity to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
person is
also
required for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. I do believe,
however
, that it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
rather
than
simply
waiting for luck to approach us.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 7

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
304 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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