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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.6

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 6
Success is the ultimate goal of everyone. All of us are doing our best to achieve success in different fields of life as work and study. People try to achieve success through many ways; some of them are hard workers, they depend on their efforts to gain success. Others are relying on their relations with important or authorised persons to reach their goals. In addition to the previous, there is a category of lucky people where luck plays important role in their lives and helps them very much. Luck, in my opinion, has a great effects on the people's life, as it can shift their ways into different directions that may change their lives completely to the better, for example: Lionel Messi, the most famous football player in the world, was a son of very poor family in Argentina and suffered from a medical problem while he was children related to his growth and bone formation. The luck leads a scout of one of the biggest football club in Spain to see his skills while he was playing in his area's street in Argentina and presented him to the club, where he obtained the due care and now Lionel Messi is may be the most famous person in the world. Beside of that, luck and coincidence can serve humanity in a positive way, no one can deny the role of luck in the story of Newton and the apple which lead after that to discover the gravity rules. I tend to see that, hard working is the first step of success and it is a mandatory thing, but also luck is very important. So, from my point of view, I think they are complementing each other. Last but not least, It should not be left unmentioned that success is the normal result of working hard and one should not only depend on his/her luck for a long time to achieve success because it may not work for many times.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
is the ultimate goal of everyone. All of us are doing our best to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields of life as work and study.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
try to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
workers, they depend on their efforts to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. Others are relying on their relations with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
or
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
persons to reach their goals.
In addition
to the previous, there is a category of lucky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
where luck plays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much.

Luck, in my opinion, has a great effects on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life, as it can shift their ways into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
directions that may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
completely to the better,
for example
: Lionel Messi, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
football player in the world, was a son of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor family in Argentina and suffered from a medical problem while he was children related to his growth and bone formation. The luck leads a scout of one of the biggest football club in Spain to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
while he was playing in his area's street in Argentina and presented him to the club, where he obtained the due care and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
Lionel Messi is may be the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
person in the world. Beside of that, luck and coincidence can serve humanity in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
way, no one can deny the role of luck in the story of Newton and the apple which lead after that to discover the gravity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that,
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
is the
first
step of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and it is a mandatory thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
luck is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, from my point of view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are complementing each other.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, It should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
unmentioned that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is the normal result of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and one should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on his/her luck for a long time to achieve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may not work for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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