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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.5

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 5
Many people think that to be successful someone should rely on working hard and luck has no role in success. I completely disagree with this notion that success only depends on hard work. In my view, the importance of luck should not be ignored to be successful. Firstly, Lucky people have more advantages than unlucky people. For example, in IELTS exam, to be lucky it is very important to manage to get a high score because you confront a lot of topics in the exam and if you are lucky, the topics may not be tough for you because of your knowledge about them. In the speaking test, you must opt to cue card that is a vital part of your score. If you are not familiar with the topic in the cue card which you choose, you could not achieve to get a high score in the exam even if you study hard and learn a lot of vocabularies. On the other hand, if you know a variety of vocabulary about the topic that you choose, you can get a high score and pass the exam even maybe this is the best score you have ever got. Therefore, to be lucky sometimes is as important as to be hard-working. Secondly, Luck is essential to be successful in the professional life. For instance, one of my friends, his name is Mehmet, is a kind, smart, and hard-working person, but he is still in the same position since he began to work. However, one of our mutual friend, his name is Ali, is also hard-working but at the same time, he is an amazingly lucky person because he embarked on working the same position in the same company. However, because of having one more certificate than Mehmet, he was promoted to the director post. As a result, he earns a higher salary than Mehmet. In conclusion, In my opinion, success not only rely on hard work but also rely on to be luck. Thus, lucky people have always advantages to accomplish what they want compared to the unlucky people.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that to be successful someone should rely on working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and luck has no role in success. I completely disagree with this notion that success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depends on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work. In my view, the importance of luck should not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
to be successful.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more advantages than unlucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, in IELTS exam, to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lucky
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to manage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you confront
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
in the exam and if you are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lucky
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topics
may not be tough for you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of your knowledge about them. In the speaking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
opt to cue card
that is
a vital part of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
. If you are not familiar with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topic
in the cue card which you choose, you could not achieve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
in the exam even if you study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
vocabularies.
On the other hand
, if you know a variety of vocabulary about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
topic
that you choose, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
and pass the exam even maybe this is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
score
you have ever
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
.
Therefore
, to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lucky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
is as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working.

Secondly
, Luck is essential to be successful in the professional life.
For instance
, one of my friends, his name is Mehmet, is a kind, smart, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is
still
in the same position since he began to work.
However
, one of our mutual friend, his name is Ali, is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time, he is an
amazingly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lucky
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he embarked on working the same position in the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of having one more certificate than Mehmet, he
was promoted
to the director post.
As a result
, he earns a higher salary than Mehmet.

In conclusion
, In my opinion, success not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
rely on to be luck.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have always advantages to accomplish what they want compared to the unlucky
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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