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People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.3

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 3
Every person wants to be successful in life. They have been trying their best, studying or working hard to reach what they wish for. Some people believe that success is about hard work. They argue that luck does not have a part in this case. People succeed depend on how big their effort to get what they want, not about fortune. But I disagree with the opinion because I think that success is about effort, pray, and luck. There are many things that people do for being successful in life, especially in their careers. They spend the time to work as hard as they can and as much as they are able. Success becomes their goal so they push their selves to get that. Successful people in this world are them who always are responsible, honest, hardworking, and lucky. Sometimes people feel very confident and they just focus on their effort. They are too busy trying their best to achieve something so they forget that there is an important thing besides an effort: that is luck. I do not want to say that hard work is not important, but I believe that luck influences the result of our effort. For instance, occasionally people have tried their best for doing something but in the end, they do not get what they want. Many people forget that the biggest power in this universe is God, not themselves. Furthermore, thinking that hard work is the only thing to be success sounds not wise. There were few people fail to reach their dreams although they have worked hard for it. They have spent much of their time to try their best. But who knows, they get something which is not expecting. Is because of luck? Maybe yes because the effort is not enough to be successful. We need luck and definitely, we need God. In conclusion, I believe that success is not only about how hard we try but also our luck. Every human has their own luck and their own fate but they have to still try. People should respect the process, not just the result. What happens in future will depend on our effort and the blessing of the Almighty.
Every person wants to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life. They have been trying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
, studying or working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to reach what they wish for.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. They argue that luck does not have a part
in this case
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
succeed depend on how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want, not about fortune.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I disagree with the opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
, pray, and luck.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in life,
especially
in their careers. They spend the time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
as they can and as much as they are able.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Success
becomes their goal
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they push their selves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
that.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in this world are them who always are responsible, honest, hardworking, and lucky.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
confident and
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
. They are too busy trying their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
to achieve something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they forget that there is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing
besides
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
:
that is
luck. I do not want to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that luck influences the result of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
.
For instance
,
occasionally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have tried their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
for doing something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
what they want.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget that the biggest power in this universe is God, not themselves.
Furthermore
, thinking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
sounds not wise. There were few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
fail to reach their dreams although they have worked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for it. They have spent much of their time to try their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
who knows, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
something which is not expecting. Is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of luck? Maybe yes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. We need luck and definitely, we need God.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
we try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
our luck. Every human has
'Each', 'every', 'either' and 'neither' are used with singular and thus take a singular pronoun: "his", "her", "his or her", "its"
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
luck and their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
fate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
still
try.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
should respect the process, not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the result. What happens in future will depend on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effort
and the blessing of the Almighty.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
368 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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