Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v.2

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 2
At the present time, people believe that only hardworking people will succeed and there's no place for luck. I totally disagree with the rubric above due to the fact that people cannot earn money without luck and with no luck people won't be able to get a job and it will be proven in the following essay. Firstly, since the dawn of time people believed to luck, for example, people always carry some kind of talismans or chokers. In the Ireland, people believe that green clover will bring them money and luck. And the situation has not been changed at the present as well. You can hold a questionnaire and ask strangers "do they believe in luck or not? " I'm sure that 100% of people will say ‘yes’; because the luck is an inalienable part of the life of human beings. Secondly, without luck people won't be able to get even a job. For instance, when people looking for a job, they are searching them on newspapers and magazines and they don't know what expects them there, they only rely on luck and trying to find a suitable job for themselves. Furthermore, even at the school sometimes kids are getting their marks by luck, which means that teachers sometimes can mix up jobs and mark the student wrong. It's also a clear example of luck. On the other hand, if people will rely on only luck they will not get anything, truly luck is with us but it helps only when we work hard. For example, in difficult situations when people cannot make a choice between something, they are choosing only by their instincts and if they work hard and learn a lot, they know which decision to make, it all comes from experience. After analysing both sides of this issue, I have concluded that despite the hard work, people always need at least the grain of luck for the successful life.
At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
hardworking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will succeed and there's no place for luck. I
totally
disagree with the rubric above due to the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot earn money without luck and with no luck
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and it will
be proven
in the following essay.

Firstly
, since the dawn of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believed to luck,
for example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always carry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of talismans or chokers. In the Ireland,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that green clover will bring them money and luck. And the situation has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
at the present
as well
. You can hold a questionnaire and ask strangers
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
do they believe in luck or not?
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
I'm sure that 100% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will say ‘yes’;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the luck is an inalienable part of the life of human beings.

Secondly
, without luck
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won't be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
even a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For instance
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
looking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they are searching them on newspapers and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
magazines and
they don't know what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
them there, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
rely on luck and trying to find a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for themselves.
Furthermore
, even at the school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
kids are getting their marks by luck, which means that teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
can mix up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and mark the student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. It's
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example of luck.

On the other hand
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will rely on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
luck they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
anything,
truly
luck is with us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
when we work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
For example
, in difficult situations when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a choice between something, they are choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
by their instincts and if they work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and learn a lot, they know which decision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, it all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from experience.

After
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both sides of this issue, I have concluded that despite the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always need at least the grain of luck for the successful life.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts