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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It’s better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercises. v.233

It’s better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercises. v. 233
Nowadays, repeating crimes has become one of the most worrying problems of any countries. This issue mainly due to difficulty in finding employment and integrating in society that can be tackled by some effective measures. The first main cause of repeating crime is that most first-time offenders finding regular jobs is truly it difficult in getting employed after being released. In fact, the majority of prisoners lack fundamental work skills which lead to the lack of opportunities for works. Having a chance to enter the workforce therefore rarely arises, This results in financial problems causing them to struggle to survive. Accordingly, committing to become dependent upon illegal activities would surely be their only choice. Another reason pushing criminals to reoffend is that the punishment whilst in prison does not change their perceptions. Most prisons nowadays seem to place more emphasis on punishing convicts as the price for their sins crime rather than mentally rehabilitating them. Many prisoners, as a result, are unable to develop a good understanding of moral behaviour, or being given a chance to retrain and learn new skills in order to weaken their criminal intentions. These are the reasons why they are easily led back to crime. There are some solutions that the government should implement to address the problem. For instance, the authorities need to pass new regulations to change the way current prisons work. Instead of holding in captivity, training skills could be a more effective alternative by equipping them with sufficient work skills. Another method of dealing with criminals who can’t be back in to live their normal life is replacing some physical punishments by mental rehabilitation. A good rehabilitation can ensure that prisoners are able to meet moral standards after backing to normal life. Positive change in their perspectives have significant impacts on their personalities, and prevents them from unethical behaviour. To sum up, it is clear that the increase in repeating crimes after being released is harmful to our community. Nevertheless, the issue can be resolved if the government attaches special importance to ensure employment and personality rehabilitation of prisoners.
Nowadays, repeating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
has become one of the most worrying problems of any countries. This issue
mainly
due to difficulty in finding employment and integrating in society that can
be tackled
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective measures.

The
first
main cause of repeating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is that most
first
-time offenders finding regular jobs is
truly
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
difficult in getting employed after
being released
. In fact, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
lack fundamental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which lead to the lack of opportunities for works. Having a chance to enter the workforce
therefore
rarely arises, This results in financial problems causing them to struggle to survive.
Accordingly
, committing to become dependent upon illegal activities would
surely
be their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
choice. Another reason pushing criminals to
Possible spelling mistake found.
reoffend
is that the punishment whilst in prison does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their perceptions. Most prisons nowadays seem to place more emphasis on punishing convicts as the price for their sins
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rather
than mentally rehabilitating them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
,
as a result
, are unable to develop a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
understanding of moral
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, or being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to retrain and learn new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
in order to weaken their criminal intentions. These are the reasons why they are
easily
led back to crime.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should implement to address the problem.
For instance
, the authorities need to pass new regulations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
prisons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Instead
of holding in captivity, training
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
could be a more effective alternative by equipping them with sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Another method of dealing with criminals who can’t be back in to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their normal life is replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical punishments by mental rehabilitation. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
rehabilitation can ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
moral standards after backing to normal life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their perspectives have significant impacts on their personalities, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from unethical
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

To sum up, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the increase in repeating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
after
being released
is harmful to our community.
Nevertheless
, the issue can
be resolved
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
attaches special importance to ensure employment and personality rehabilitation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay It’s better to relax by watching a movie or reading a book than doing physical exercises. v. 233

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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