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People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that very different from what they do at work. v.1

People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that very different from what they do at work. v. 1
Due to the high speed of lifestyle today, people’s jobs come with relative more pressure and less leisure time than in the past. It is necessary and rewarding to take time to relax under such a stressful circumstance. Personally, having one or two hobbies that different from their jobs is a very advisable way. First of all, people can better refresh themselves by doing something different. They can change their minds by jumping out of the tedium and boring staff they have to do in daily life. According to the recent science report, people tend to come up with new ideas and thoughts after a pause when they are in a dilemma. Artists may meet with exiting inspirations, managers may figure out suitable plans and scientists may make out unparalleled solutions after they put their working things aside. Thus, having hobbies in the different field is a benefit for their work. Secondly, people can have a wider horizon if they have hobbies in broad scale. One person would only have friends who also major in science if he or she focuses on a single science field. By contrast, people will make numerous friends via contacting a lot of people in a different situation. Also, a wonderful and colourful life needs not only practical scientific theories but also romantic literary imagination. By learning from their friends, people can analyze problems in a more objective way, which can definitely improve themselves mentally. So it is important and imperative for people to have at least one hobbits out of their familiar major. Finally, various hobbies and physical activities may bring people more opportunities job wise. Everyone can be a master in any field if they are willing to take time. I deeply believe people can do their hobbies well thanks to the strong interest. That is to say, people can change their working filed afterwards if they do not enjoy it anymore. Developing a hobbit into a career is one of the luckiest things in the world. So the time people spent on their hobbies will never a waste. In conclusion, through doing hobbits different from work, people can gain noble ideas, broaden the horizon and even own more job selections. We should actually cultivate some hobbies and physically activities intentionally.
Due to the high speed of lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with relative more pressure and less leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than in the past. It is necessary and rewarding to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax under such a stressful circumstance.
Personally
, having one or two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
advisable way.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can better refresh themselves by doing something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their minds by jumping out of the tedium and boring staff they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do in daily life. According to the recent science report,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and thoughts after a pause when they are in a dilemma. Artists may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with exiting inspirations, managers may figure out suitable plans and scientists may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
out unparalleled solutions after they put their working things aside.
Thus
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
field is a benefit for their work.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have a wider horizon if they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
in broad scale. One person would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have friends who
also
major in science if he or she focuses on a single science field. By contrast,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
numerous friends via contacting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
situation.
Also
, a wonderful and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
life needs not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
practical scientific theories
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
romantic literary imagination. By learning from their friends,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can analyze problems in a more objective way, which can definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
themselves mentally.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and imperative for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to have at least one hobbits out of their familiar major.

Finally
, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and physical activities may bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more opportunities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
wise. Everyone can be a master in any field if they are willing to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I
deeply
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
well thanks to the strong interest.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their working filed afterwards if they do not enjoy it anymore. Developing a hobbit into a career is one of the luckiest things in the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spent on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
will never a waste.

In conclusion
, through doing hobbits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can gain noble
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, broaden the horizon and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
selections. We should actually cultivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
and
physically
activities
intentionally
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay People should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that very different from what they do at work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
378 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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