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do you agree or disagree? people should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v.122

people should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v. 122
The question is whether people should spend time on entertainments or physical activities which are different with their main task, for relaxing or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point may maintain a specific direction toward this statement. Some believe that the mentioned activities can be accounted as waste of time and workers should take time to gain new information in related their work while others have a conviction that relaxing would increase the employee' s performance. I am unanimous with the latter group; so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology-driven world requires people spend much time on working and earning money; hence, this condition can impose a lot of pressures on human beings. If people do not try to change the mentioned circumstance, gradually depression or even worse the suicide thoughts will overcome them; consequently, not only they can have negative impacts on productivity in workplace, but also they must spend much money on their treatment. Doing physical activities such as swimming, playing tennis, miscellaneous exercises and or participating in interesting activities such as going to concert and listening a master piece of music or experiencing exciting funfairs can assist workers to avoid any stress or anxiety. As a matter a fact, taking time for hobbies can give people a sense of peaceful. In addition, one should considerate that attending in favorite activities is able to challenge the humans' ability. Scientifically, researchers could have recognized that when human' s brain confront new experience, for coping with the aforementioned event, it starts secreting more Endorphin- a neural messenger in brain which is responsible for creating happiness and concentration. Definitely, a man who swims three times in the week can make few errors in work place again a person who attempts just to work and work. Here there is a suggestion. If companies allow their employees to spend time on their interests, the bosses would take advantage of this situation and they will not need to spend much money for laborers' health insurance. Moreover, such great activities can improve interpersonal skills among workers. During involving in hobbies, the workers can meet different people who share the same interest with them; therefore, new friendships can form beyond work place. Furthermore, people can debate with each other and exchange their experience about work habits. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that taking time for amusements and exercise can help people to maintain their sprite high and also the employers can guarantee their profit.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on entertainments or physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
with their main task, for relaxing or not. Everyone with regard to his private view point may maintain a specific direction toward this statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that the mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
be accounted
as waste of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
should take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to gain new information in related their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while others have a conviction that relaxing would increase the
Possible spelling mistake found.
employee&
#039; s performance. I am unanimous with the latter group;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, nobody could overlook this fact that such a technology-driven world requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on working and earning money;
hence
, this condition can impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
pressures on human beings. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the mentioned circumstance,
gradually
depression or even worse the suicide thoughts will overcome them;
consequently
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they can have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on productivity in workplace,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much money on their treatment. Doing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as swimming, playing tennis, miscellaneous exercises and or participating in interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as going to concert and listening a master piece of music or experiencing exciting funfairs can assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to avoid any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or anxiety. As a matter a fact, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for hobbies can give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
a sense of peaceful.

In addition
, one
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
should considerate
that attending in favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is able to challenge the
Possible spelling mistake found.
humans&
#039; ability.
Scientifically
, researchers could have recognized that when
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s brain confront new experience, for coping with the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
secreting more Endorphin- a neural messenger in brain which is responsible for creating happiness and concentration. Definitely, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
who swims three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
in the week can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
few errors in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place again a person who attempts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. Here there is a suggestion. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their employees to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on their interests, the bosses would take advantage of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
situation and
they will not need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
much money for
Possible spelling mistake found.
laborers&
#039; health insurance.

Moreover
, such great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
interpersonal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
. During involving in hobbies, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who share the same interest with them;
therefore
, new friendships can form beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can debate with each other and exchange their experience about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
habits.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for amusements and exercise can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to maintain their sprite high and
also
the employers can guarantee their profit.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay people should take time to relax with hobbies or physical activities that are very different from what they do at work. v. 122

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
433 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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