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people should stay with their old friends than making new friends. do you agree or disagree? v.1

people should stay with their old friends than making new friends. v. 1
Technology has grown by leaps and bounds over the few decades. The most important invention of the technology is television. Many people spend most of their time in watching television, which makes them lazy and it does not let them socialize with others. This essay will disclose the reasons that why I agree with the above statement and thus will lead to a logical conclusion. Initially, TV is a very good source to gain knowledge about the world and to entertain every age-group. A person can watch news, movies, dramas, politics, documentaries, music, and religious programs and so on. Thus, people become lazy because when they spend their spare time sitting at one place, their body gets inactive. For example, today many kids like to watch cartoons on television for a whole day and their interest make them to be at one place. Moreover, TV is playing an important role in people’s life. It has changed everyone’s life. Before people used to spend their free time meeting with their friend and socializing with others. It used to entertain them. But these days when a person wants to be entertained, they just turn on their TV and watch anything they like. For instance, many people watch comedy programs at home in their spare time. In a nut-shell, I agree with the above statement that television consume people’s most time in their daily life and as a result their body gets inactive and they do not want to entertain themselves by socializing with others.
Technology has grown by leaps and bounds over the few decades. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
invention of the technology is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend most of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy and it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them socialize with others. This essay will disclose the reasons that why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement and
thus
will lead to a logical conclusion.

Initially
, TV is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
source to gain knowledge about the world and to entertain every age-group. A person can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
news, movies, dramas, politics, documentaries, music, and religious programs and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become lazy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they spend their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting at one place, their body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
inactive.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
cartoons on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
for a whole day and their interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to be at one place.

Moreover
, TV is playing an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. It has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
everyone’s life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
meeting with their friend and socializing with others. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to entertain them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days when a person wants to
be entertained
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
turn on their TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
anything they like.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
comedy programs at home in their spare time.

In a nut-shell, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in their daily life and
as a result
their body
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
inactive and
they do not want to entertain themselves by socializing with others.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay people should stay with their old friends than making new friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
252 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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